Annulments: How to Prove you Qualify

In order to qualify for an annulment, you have to meet certain Virginia-specific criteria. This isn't Britney Spears's annulment!

From Cherished Wife to Reviled Golddigger: How his mindset affects your divorce, and what you can do to help

During divorce, your husband changes from a person on whom you can rely to a three headed monster because he suddenly sees you as a different person--one who wants the house, the property, and support.

Abused Women: What the court doesn't understand

If you've been abused, why you might go back to your abuser is difficult and complicated to understand. Still, I hope you won't be afraid to ask for help

Four Tips for Women Facing Divorce

If you find yourself facing divorce, read these four tips before you proceed.

The Silent Treatment: How Choices You're Making are Hurting Your Marriage

The silent treatment is a form of abusive behavior, and it can wreck a marriage.

I Cheated on my Husband: What do I do now?

What if I've cheated on my husband? Am I doomed? Will the court punish me for what I did?

Women are at Risk for Losing Health Insurance Post-Divorce

After divorce, many middle class women lose their health insurance. What can you do about it?

Pre Divorce Finances, Part 4: When you need access to cash fast

You should open a credit card in your own name, but you should depend on that credit card to supply money for everything. Sometimes it's better to check out loan options--either from a local bank or from your 401(k).

Tips for Dealing with Guardians ad Litem: Part Two

Don't criticize your child's father in front of the GAL; you won't impress him.

Tips for dealing with Guardians ad Litem: Part One

When working with a guardian ad litem, don't automatically assume he shares your view.

...But it's not my fault! Dealing with HIS fault in your Virginia Divorce

Fault based grounds will not give you a golden ticket in your Virginia divorce.

Will I Lose Custody of my Children in Virginia?

Thinking of a child custody case, especially in divorce, as a situation when there's a winner and a loser is not often very realistic. It is more likely that you and your husband will agree or share custody.

"Off With Her Head!" : Today, Women in Virginia have Option of No Fault Divorce

Today, divorce is relatively quick, easy and painless to obtain, as compared to the long, drawn out ordeal suffered by our medieval counterparts.

Cinco de Mayo Events in Virginia Beach

Celebrate Cinco de Mayo in style by checking out these Virginia Beach fiestas.

Got a New Boss? Introduce Yourself

Any change-up in the office can be stressful and a new boss can make employees especially anxious. Follow these tips to ensure peace in the workplace.

Can I Get The Other Party To Pay For The Divorce?

can I get him to pay for it? The law in Virginia certainly allows the court to make an award of attorney’s fees in favor of either party. It is an issue for the court, it may be done in a preliminary stage of the proceeding or it may have to go forward at a final hearing or in some circumstances, maybe reserved for a hearing after the conclusion of the divorce litigation itself. In the circumstance where the parties have come to an agreement, it is quite common that both parties will agree that they will pay their own attorney’s fees and this is part of the agreement and negotiation process. There is case law in Virginia that reflects that if a party is awarded spousal support that the court should make some provision for the payment of attorney’s fees by the support paying party. That law has been in effect in Virginia for about 30 years and while it has obviously had some bits of pieces and circumstances in which the court found it inappropriate, the general proposition is still good law. The court will usually consider the reasonableness of the parties and whether or not issues that ultimately are litigated have in fact been properly litigated, that is to say that there is such either a complex issue or that the matter has to be dealt with by the court as a matter of complexity that the matter would then have to be determined. If that court makes that finding that the matter needed to be determined by the court, then the court will generally not award either party attorney’s fees. If the court thinks the one party is trying to utilize the system to increase cost or create delay in the process, then the court will be more likely to award the innocent party some portion of their attorney’s fees.

Domestic Violence and Job Discrimination by Mary Elizabeth Davis

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC)  has filed a suit against Cascade Foods, an Oregon nut processing company, for discriminating against a domestic violence survivor.  The female employee, in her mid-30s, had secured a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend, who was also employed at Cascade Foods.    Cascade Foods, even after being informed by the survivor that her ex-boyfriend had hit her, fired her for refusing to drop the restraining order against him.

One in three women will be assaulted by a boyfriend or husband during her lifetime.  Almost three-quarters of employed domestic violence victims are harassed at their job by their abuser.

This case is ground-breaking.  I'm so glad that the EEOC (where I interned during and shortly after law school) is taking the lead in fighting illegal discrimination against battered women.  I intend to follow this case to see how the courts address this issue.

Virginia Beach Divorce Lawyer Charlie Hofheimer Challenges Mediators who think Mediation is the only way to obtain a Divorce

I just posted the following blog which is stirring up a hornet's nest

Don't Bet on the Mediation Horse in every Race--Women often lose big in Mediation !

• Posted by Charlie Hofheimer on October 3, 2009 at 2:46pm
  
  As an attorney for 35 years, a trial attorney representing only women since 1992 through my six lawyer divorce and custody law firm, The co-founder of three interdisciplinary collaborative practice groups or organizations and a trained mediator who teaches divorce law to mediators for a large community mediation center, I have learned one thing for sure. No single method of achieving a divorce is the answer. I have seen women abused by mediation just as I have seen them abused by the court system. I have seen great mediators and lousy ones just as I have seen great trial lawyers as well as lousy ones. I have seen honest lawyers and dishonest lawyers. What I have learned is that a really good attorney measures the facts and gets to know their client before determining which course of action best serves a client.
  
  Each case has it's own cast of characters who affect how a case should be handled. Each couple has between them a certain dynamic which may or may not lend itself to collaboration or mediation.Sometimes the extant dynamic can only be addressed by trial. There is no one methodology that is "the answer".
  
  So the lesson is when someone has the only "way" to do something, be wary. Experienced attorneys never lose sight of the 4 ways to accomplish divorce, negotiate,mediate,collaborate and yes, even litigate. So make sure your attorney is comfortable in all four venues before you choose an attorney and a course of action.

Virginia Beach Divorce Lawyer

Why Can't My Witness Just Write a Letter (By Mary Elizabeth Davis)

So many times, my clients want witnesses to just be able to write a letter rather than appear in court.  Unfortunately, this is not a college application, and your witnesses need to be in court.  You aren't asking for a reference, you're asking for someone to come to be a witness in your case.

Anyone can sound articulate in a letter which has been spell-checked and edited.  The "witness" may not have written the letter, and may even have signed something written by a party himself or herself.

A judge wants to see your witnesses' demeanor.    He or she wants to see whether the person can answer a question directly or will wander around the topic without truly answering.   He or she wants to see how truthful your witness is.

Opposing counsel wants to be able to test the statements made in the letter.  Opposing counsel has the right to do so.  The hearsay doctrine makes letters not admissible.  Lawyers in a case might agree to allow in some hearsay letters, but most want the right to ask follow-up questions of any witness.

The judge and opposing counsel are going to want to know how much this witness has had the opportunity to observe.  I have had several custody cases lately where the father has brought neighbors in to testify about his parenting.  On cross-examination, I discover the neighbor has never been in the father's home and has had truly limited opportunity to observe the opposing parent with the children.  Had the information been submitted by letter, it could have seemed more impressive.  On cross-examination, however, I can make the point that the neighbor really has very little insight into the father's parenting.

It is difficult to coordinate witnesses for a trial, and you are often asking them to take time from their work and families.  Don't be shy.  It is crucial for your case.

Virginia Women inadverdently sign away million$ to their Husbands !

1. A  cardinal rule is do not sign anything unless your attorney tells you it’s okay . You do not want to sign any document until  you understand the ramifications of what you’re signing. There are few occasions sadder for a divorce attorney than when a woman comes in and starts talking with you and, all of a sudden, she says, "Oh, I signed an agreement. My husband told me it was just a temporary agreement so I really don’t have to worry about it, do I ?". My heart sinks because I realize that we are going to have to explain a problem she is not anticipating.. She has been hoodwinked, and unfortunately in Virginia, it is very difficult to overturn signed agreements, particularly if she’s initialed each page and signed the last page before a notary.
2. Should I sign tax returns? If your husband works for a big company and you work for a big company and all you have are W-2 forms and standard deductions, I wouldn’t be too worried about signing a tax return, but if your husband owns a business or there are a number of stock transactions or real estate transactions, absolutely do not sign a tax return or any document without going first to a trusted advisor.
3.  Should I negotiate with my husband ? My answer is a qualified yes.  If he is trying to negotiate with you,  listen to what he is saying or suggesting.  Do not be so quick to tell him what you want . By keeping him a little off balance rather than telling him everything you want gives you wiggle room in the future.  As you talk things through you will be able to determine whether he is trying to play a power game, fishing for information or is serious about resolving matters. During this time or before, you should be sitting down with a divorce professional to determine what constitutes a reasonable settlement. The ultimate "reasonable" settlement is one where both of you agree on the outcome. DO NOT SELL YOURSELF SHORT FINANCIALLY FOR CUSTODY OF THE CHILDREN ! This will come back to haunt you in the future.
4. Virginia women have signed away millions if not hundreds of millions of dollars of marital funds by not seeking help and understanding their entitlements before they sign a separation agreement. You have plenty of time to arm yourself with useful information by ordering "What Every Virginia Woman Should Know about Divorce" or attending the seminar " What Every Woman Needs to Know about Divorce". 

The Power of a Woman's Choice for a successful divorce !

Virginia women have many choices as they confront or consider divorce. To ably analyze one's choices, it is important to take as long planning your divorce as you did planning your wedding. Most clients want to make a decision and move quickly to get the divorce over. This is usually a very costly mistake.!!

Among the early choices is the determination of how you are going to handle your divorce. Divorce, like life, is a series of choices that have long term implications. In your divorce you are CHOSEN only if you choose. This means you can choose to move on with your life and seek a method of resolution of the contradictions of your marriage or you can live in the past and get bogged down choosing to be a victim of your husband's behaviour. My experience with the "Victim" mentality person is that the outcome of their divorce is usually less and the cost of their divorce more than a similarly situated woman who is focusing on her future and the future of her children.

The choice of how one gets divorced is often a precursor of the long term impact of the divorce on family, extended family and friends. The Process choices for getting divorced include negotiation, mediation, collaboration and litigation. Depending on the process chosen by a client anbd her husband, One can generally predict the long term impact of how the restructured family will fare 5 or 10 years down the road. What we do know is the longer a divorcing couple can discuss their families future in a respectful and understanding manner, the greater the probability of a good long term outcome for the children and for the parents.

When seeking to determine what choice you should make in hiring an attorney, a very important piece of determinative information is whether the attorney has been trained in Mediation,Collaboration, Negotiation as well as the usual Litigation skills. Since a Divorce lawyer is supposed to outline for you the 4 divorcing options(negotiation,mediation,collaborationand litigation) available to you, if they have not been trained in mediation or collaboration or negotiation, It is very likely they CANNOT give you good substantive advice about which process may be best for you. So they impair your ability to make good choices.So the Choice we choose today is to study the 4 divorce processes and determine who is sufficiently trained in each of the processes so they can help you make an informed decision as to which divorce process is best for you. Remember--You are chosen--Only--If you choose. So Choose wisely !
For more information go to www.FreeDivorceBook.com to learn "what every Virginia Women should know about Divorce."

New website is launched

Welcome to our new website launched July 15, 2008.

We hope you find it to be a useful and informative resource for Virginia divorce related issues.

Be sure to order your copy of our free divorce book. "What Every Virginia Woman Should Know About Divorce" Click here to order.

Also, you are invited to attend our divorce seminars on August 9th, 2008 in Chesapeake and Virginia Beach, Virginia and on the evenning of August 19th in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Click here for more information.

Funding College Education -- How Upromise Can Help (By Mary Elizabeth Davis)

Many parents are faced with the challenge of sending their children to college while in the middle of a divorce.  In Virginia, neither parent can be financially required by the courts to pay for college unless college costs were agreed upon in a separation agreement or other document.  This frustrates many parents, who feel that they are "going it alone" in supporting their children through college.

Upromise is a free service that can help.  It can fund a 529 account for a student or for yourself.  It can even repay student loans for select lenders.

Register for Upromise at www.upromise.com, and register each of your credit card and debit cards.  When you make purchases at participating retailers, online merchants or restaurants, a percentage of your transaction will be placed into your account.   Upromise partners also include mortgage companies, auto finance companies, phone companies, and other service providers.  Your account balance will be transferred quarterly into the 529 account or transferred to pay an existing student loan.

Bank of America has a Upromise credit card.  A 1% rebate for all purchases you make is placed into your Upromise account.  You do not have to have the Upromise credit card to participate in Upromise, though.  (Bank of America is assuming the Upromise credit card program as of March 2009.  It was formerly run by Citibank.)

The Upromise service is free and it provides rebates on purchases you would otherwise be making.  Friends and family may also be invited to help save for your college student by linking their credit and debit card purchases to your Upromise account.