Attorney Blog

Oprah Magazine's Suze Orman Recommends Collaborative Divorce

medavis@hoflaw.com — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 08:00:00 EST

Suze Orman's October advice column in Oprah magazine touches on the costs of divorce for couples. Orman recommended collaboration (or collaborative divorce) as a way for couples to "divorce with dignity." Collaborative divorce allows for parties to create their own solutions regarding spousal support, division of property, child custody and other issues facing couples as they separate. The parties explore what each person envisions as his or her post-divorce life and consider different possible solutions with their attorneys (and sometimes other professionals such as financial planners and mental health professionals). The group works together dynamically to assist the family members reach individual and family goals.

Rather than having individuals getting locked into positions, everyone agrees to consider what each person's interests are. Simply put, rather than saying, "I have to have the Volvo (positional negotiation)," a person would say, "I need safe transportation for me and the children (interest-based negotiation)."

Collaboration is often exemplified by a fictional argument between a brother and sister over the last remaining orange in the fruit bowl. Each asks the parent for it, simply saying he or she wants the orange (positional negotiation). A simplistic approach would be to either split the orange or to flip a coin. A collaborative approach would ask each child why each wants the orange. If we find that one needs the rind to make a cake, and the other wants to eat the orange, each child can have his or her interests met by a creative division of the orange. Simplistic, positional thinking would not allow for either child to have his or her interests met. Interest based negotiation allows for each to be satisfied.

Ask your attorney about collaborative divorce as an alternative to contested litigation. You can also learn more about collaboration at www.collaborativedivorce.com.

Funding College Education -- How Upromise Can Help

medavis@hoflaw.com — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 08:00:00 EST

Many parents are faced with the challenge of sending their children to college while in the middle of a divorce. In Virginia, neither parent can be financially required by the courts to pay for college unless college costs were agreed upon in a separation agreement or other document. This frustrates many parents, who feel that they are "going it alone" in supporting their children through college.

Upromise is a free service that can help. It can fund a 529 account for a student or for yourself. It can even repay student loans for select lenders.

Register for Upromise at www.upromise.com, and register each of your credit card and debit cards. When you make purchases at participating retailers, online merchants or restaurants, a percentage of your transaction will be placed into your account. Upromise partners also include mortgage companies, auto finance companies, phone companies, and other service providers. Your account balance will be transferred quarterly into the 529 account or transferred to pay an existing student loan.

Citibank has a Upromise credit card. A 1% rebate for all purchases you make is placed into your Upromise account. You do not have to have the Upromise credit card to participate in Upromise, though.

The Upromise service is free and it provides rebates on purchases you would otherwise be making. Friends and family may also be invited to help save for your college student by linking their credit and debit card purchases to your Upromise account.

Alec Baldwin uses excuse of scientifically discredited Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) on 20/20 interview with Diane Sawyer

tom@fosterwebmarketing.com — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 08:00:00 EST

On Friday, September 19, 2008, Alec Baldwin appeared on a 20/20 interview with Diane Sawyer to promote his book. Blaming his outrageous voice mail message to his daughter and his multi-million dollar divorce litigation on the scientifically discredited theory of "Parental Alienation Syndrome," Baldwin attempted to portray himself as a victim of former wife Kim Basinger, and as a victim of his daughter. Interviewer Diane Sawyer did not fall for Baldwin's self-portrayal as a victim, and asked Baldwin difficult questions, to which he attempted to object off-camera. Sawyer turned the camera
s back on and confronted Baldwin about his off-camera accusations that Sawyer was being biased against him. Both Baldwin and Sawyer alluded to Baldwin storming off several times during the interview. Baldwin was visibly agitated and sweating during the interview, and did not have a good answer for Sawyer's question to him about the impact on his daughter of Baldwin's book, and his vilification of Basinger in the book. Professor Joan Meier did an excellent job addressing the fact that Parental Alienation Syndrome is not accepted as a valid syndrome within the scientific community.

Fighting over Fluffy - Custody of pets

tom@fosterwebmarketing.com — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 08:00:00 EST

You and your husband have agreed on the parenting plan, support and how to divide the assets and liabilities - things are going well. Then, you realize one very important topic has not been addressed - who gets custody of the family pet. This is a hot topic and occurs more frequently than most people would expect. Even the Today show is talking about it.

In Virginia, the loyal family pet is not treated like a child. There are no custody or visitation statutes that provide a framework for this problem. The Court classifies our beloved pets as property just like a couch or kitchen table. The law permits the Court to award one party sole ownership of Fluffy or order that Fluffy be sold. While the Court can not order shared custody of Fluffy, here are two things you can do. First, try mediation. With the help of a trained mediator, parties can design a shared custody plan for the family pet. Second, make sure the ownership and licensing documents are in your name only. If you and your husband can't reach an agreement, having Fluffy titled in your name only can boslter your position before the Court that you should receive Fluffy as your sole property.

Why this season's most fashionable accessory is a divorce lawyer

chofheimer@hoflaw.com — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 08:00:00 EST

According To Vogue magazine, divorce lawyers have become the 13th most useful fashionable accessory to the fashionable elite. Recognizing the complexity of current divorces due to the credit crunch , the best and brightest women are making sure they are arm in arm with their divorce settlement negotiator.
As in Yorkshire England, I am finding there is a September uptick of affluent women meeting with me to determine what protections they can initiate to preserve their share of the family wealth. Particulary vulnerable are those women who are watching their wealth melt away both in the still falling real estate market and the ever lowering stock market. I am using our Divorce Protection Plan to educate and assist women in protecting their wealth. "Team divorce protection planning" involves utilizing the talents of financial planners,therapists, business valuators,trust and estate attorneys and when necessary, bankruptcy experts to chart a series of options to protect the physical assets and emotional well being of our clients.
The Affluent women who come to see us understand the need to act .They didn't get to their station in life being passive. These accomplished women are smart, proactive, effective doers.

The Power of a Woman's Choice for a successful divorce !

chofheimer@hoflaw.com — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 08:00:00 EST

Virginia women have many choices as they confront or consider divorce. To ably analyze one's choices, it is important to take as long planning your divorce as you did planning your wedding. Most clients want to make a decision and move quickly to get the divorce over. This is usually a very costly mistake.!!

Among the early choices is the determination of how you are going to handle your divorce. Divorce, like life, is a series of choices that have long term implications. In your divorce you are CHOSEN only if you choose. This means you can choose to move on with your life and seek a method of resolution of the contradictions of your marriage or you can live in the past and get bogged down choosing to be a victim of your husband's behaviour. My experience with the "Victim" mentality person is that the outcome of their divorce is usually less and the cost of their divorce more than a similarly situated woman who is focusing on her future and the future of her children.

The choice of how one gets divorced is often a precursor of the long term impact of the divorce on family, extended family and friends. The Process choices for getting divorced include negotiation, mediation, collaboration and litigation. Depending on the process chosen by a client anbd her husband, One can generally predict the long term impact of how the restructured family will fare 5 or 10 years down the road. What we do know is the longer a divorcing couple can discuss their families future in a respectful and understanding manner, the greater the probability of a good long term outcome for the children and for the parents.

When seeking to determine what choice you should make in hiring an attorney, a very important piece of determinative information is whether the attorney has been trained in Mediation,Collaboration, Negotiation as well as the usual Litigation skills. Since a Divorce lawyer is supposed to outline for you the 4 divorcing options(negotiation,mediation,collaborationand litigation) available to you, if they have not been trained in mediation or collaboration or negotiation, It is very likely they CANNOT give you good substantive advice about which process may be best for you. So they impair your ability to make good choices.So the Choice we choose today is to study the 4 divorce processes and determine who is sufficiently trained in each of the processes so they can help you make an informed decision as to which divorce process is best for you. Remember--You are chosen--Only--If you choose. So Choose wisely !
For more information go to www.FreeDivorceBook.com to learn "what every Virginia Women should know about Divorce."

New website is launched

chofheimer@hoflaw.com — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 08:00:00 EST

Welcome to our new website launched July 15, 2008.

We hope you find it to be a useful and informative resource for Virginia divorce related issues.

Be sure to order your copy of our free divorce book. "What Every Virginia Woman Should Know About Divorce" Click here to order.

Also, you are invited to attend our divorce seminars on August 9th, 2008 in Chesapeake and Virginia Beach, Virginia and on the evenning of August 19th in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Click here for more information.

Therapy notes no longer protected in Virginia

tom@fosterwebmarketing.com — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 08:00:00 EST

Effective July 1, 2008 Virginia Code Section 20-124.3:1 has been repealed.

What this means is that your therapy records are no longer protected from coming into evidence in a custody case and that your therapist can be required to testify.

Likewise, your husbands therapy records are not protected and his therapist can also be required to testify.