Virginia Divorce Lawyer Blog | Hofheimer/Ferrebee, P.C.

Finding the Right Couple's Therapist

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)28022 — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:00:00 EST

If you have decided to seek couple's therapy, whether or not you will be filing for divorce in Virginia, you may be wondering how to begin the process. The best way to prepare is to do your homework and find a couple's therapist that is best suited to your needs.

Trust is critical, as a good therapist could be the difference between the success and failure of your therapy sessions and ultimately, the overall health of your marriage. You may choose to seek recommendations from family, friends, clergy, and state or local agencies.

Finding the Right Couple's Therapist

Before deciding on a therapist, you will want to ask some basic questions to determine if this is someone with whom you feel comfortable. Having a level of comfort with your therapist will help you to be more open in talking about personal issues that could heavily impact the outcome of your counseling sessions.

The questions you should ask a prospective couple's therapist include:

What is your educational and training background?
Are you licensed by the state of Virginia?
Are you experienced in counseling couples (with your specific marital issues)?
What are your office hours?
Where is your office?
When are you available?
What does your treatment plan entail?
What are the details of your fees and insurance plan?

Learn more about couple's therapy by visiting our article library.

If after couple's therapy, you find that you still wish to file for a divorce in Virginia, you should choose an experienced Virginia divorce attorney who has experience helping women only.

At Hofheimer/Ferrebee, our Virginia divorce attorneys care about your rights, the welfare and happiness of your children, and your financial security. Let us use our unique experience and legal expertise to help you focus on your goals for your future and your family. Contact us today at (757) 425-5200 for more information about our monthly seminars, or to schedule a one-hour legal consultation with one of our Virginia women's divorce attorneys.

Diffusing Arguments Through Couple's Therapy

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)28021 — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:00:00 EST

Occasional arguments are inevitable in any significant relationship. The frequency and intensity of arguments, however, can sometimes bring about such animosity between two people that the relationship becomes fundamentally damaged. If this has occurred in your relationship with your husband, you may wish to seek couple's therapy or even file for divorce in Virginia.

Handling Arguments Through Couple's Therapy

It is not surprising that arguments are the biggest complaint in couple's therapy sessions. But why do arguments occur?

Arguments usually occur when:

Your significant needs are in direct conflict with your husband's significant needs
Significant anxieties are not communicated effectively or are communicated in a way that heightens another's anxieties and concerns

In these situations, most people tend to go into a defensive mode and cease listening to their partner. In couple's therapy, the goal is that both you and your husband might learn to stop the defensive process that is causing the argument, and move into a non-judgmental, listening frame of mind. In this mode, it is easier to both express yourself and to understand your husband's point of view. Many arguments and lingering issues in your marriage can easily be diffused in this way.

Learn more about couple's therapy by visiting our article library.

When Couple's Therapy Isn't Enough

Even if you are having fewer arguments with your spouse, you may realize your marriage must come to an end. Couple's therapy can allow you to realize this in a more rational, less emotionally driven state-of-mind. If you decide to go through with your divorce, you will need the help and guidance of an experienced Virginia divorce attorney.

At Hofheimer/Ferrebee, our Virginia divorce attorneys care about your rights, the welfare and happiness of your children, and your financial security. Let us use our unique experience and legal expertise to help you focus on your goals for your future and your family. Contact us today at (757) 425-5200 for more information about our monthly seminars, or to schedule a one-hour legal consultation with one of our Virginia women's divorce attorneys.

Just Because He Doesn't Hit You, Doesn't Mean He's Not Abusing You

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)28020 — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:00:00 EST

It is the first reaction of many women who are in an abusive relationship to deny the fact that the abuse is happening and to make excuses for their husband's abusive behavior. If your husband is abusing you, it is critical that you admit this to yourself and seek help to remove yourself from the situation.

Abuse Is Not Always Physical

Your husband does not have to hit you in order to abuse you. Aside from physical abuse, you could also be suffering emotional, financial, or sexual abuse. Each of these types of abuse is equally as debilitating as physical abuse and can leave emotional and psychological scars that last just as long, if not longer, than physical ones.

In addition to physical confrontations, other forms of abuse include:

Emotional Abuse: Also referred to as psychological abuse, emotional abuse is a process by which someone slowly degrades your self-esteem and self-worth. This can include name-calling, blaming, shaming, yelling, isolation, and controlling behavior. Victims of emotional abuse are most likely to feel hopeless in their relationships.
Financial Abuse: Your abusive husband may also seek to control you monetarily by rigidly controlling your finances, restricting your use of money and credit cards, restricting your basic necessities, giving you an "allowance," preventing you from working, sabotaging your career, or stealing your money.
Sexual Abuse: It is estimated that between one-third and one-half of all battered women suffer this type of abuse. Sexual abuse includes any kind of nonconsensual sexual activity.

If you are suffering any form of abuse you have every right to file for divorce and seek a happy, healthy life that is free from fear.

Learn more about how to leave an abusive husband by visiting our library or speaking to a Virginia divorce lawyer at (757) 425-5200.

Our Virginia divorce attorneys care about your rights, the welfare and happiness of your children, and your financial security. Let us use our unique experience and legal expertise to help you focus on your goals for your future and your family. Contact us today at (757) 425-5200 for more information about our monthly seminars, or to schedule a one-hour legal consultation with one of our Virginia women's divorce attorneys.

Leaving an Abusive Husband: Can He Gain Custody of Your Children?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)28019 — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:00:00 EST

If you are the victim in an abusive marriage, you may feel that you are trapped for a number of reasons. One such reason may be your children. You may have trouble leaving an abusive husband if you fear for the safety of your children, especially the fear that he may get full or partial custody.

There are legal routes you can take to prevent this from happening. An experienced Virginia divorce attorney can talk to you about the specifics of your case and let you know what your legal options are, including how to seek legal and physical custody of your children.

Protecting Yourself and Gaining Child Custody

Not leaving an abusive husband for fear of him gaining custody of your children is no way for you to have to live. In many cases of documented spousal abuse, when you have evidence of his abusive tendencies, you can gain full custody of your children or a court order allowing him only supervised visiting hours.

If you want to seek full custody of your children, you'll need documentation proving your husband's abusive behavior. Document any instances of abuse towards you or your children, and include photographs if the abuse is physical. If you are fearful for you or your children's safety, contact a local domestic abuse shelter and speak with a lawyer about your legal options for taking your children away from your husband.

Learn more about how to leave an abusive husband by visiting our library or speaking to a Virginia divorce lawyer at (757) 425-5200.

At this vulnerable time, it's critical that you have exceptional legal representation that not only understands the specifics of your case, but is dedicated to your best interests and that of your family.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Escaping a Codependent Relationship with an Addict

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)28018 — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:00:00 EST

If you are married to an active sex addict, drug addict or alcoholic, you may be wondering if you should end your marriage. Cyclical arguments and lack of change are the hallmarks of a relationship with an addict. In spite of these problems, you may still be unsure of why you continue to remain with your husband.

During this difficult time, it's important for you to determine if you are staying with your husband out of a sense of love and commitment or if you are unable to leave due to being in a codependent relationship.

Codependency in Relationships with Sex Addicts and Drug Addicts

Codependency arises when you can recognize that your relationship is unhealthy, but you cannot completely recognize why that is. If you are a codependent person, you are negatively affected by another person's behavior and want to fix their behavior.

Maintaining this type of relationship with your husband is not healthy for you and does not help him to overcome his addiction. Codependent relationships are always dysfunctional to some degree.

It is important to recognize the difference between codependent relationships and healthy relationships in order to make the change:

A codependent would say, "If you do not change your behavior, I will stay with you and suffer pain in trying to change it for you."
A healthy person will say, "If you do not change your behavior, I will leave."

If your relationship with your husband is more like to the first example, you are likely to be involved in a codependent relationship. Speaking with a counselor or even going to a support group for families and spouses of addicts may give you the strength and clarity to improve your situation and start making healthy changes.

Learn more about how to leave an addict by visiting our library.

There are very specific rules governing divorce in Virginia. Learn about your legal options by contacting the Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee. We handle divorce cases for women only, and are committed to providing the experience and compassion that you deserve and the successful results you need. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

What it Means When Your Husband Is a Sex Addict

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)28017 — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:00:00 EST

The discovery that your husband is a sex addict is likely to be a shocking and emotionally complicated event. Perhaps you have tried to help him through the addiction and even tried to make your relationship work in spite of it. After all is said and done, you may discover the only true solution is to leave him and end your marriage through a Virginia divorce.

A common misunderstanding of sexual addiction leads it to often be treated like willful adultery instead of the actual addiction that it is. Someone who is a sex addict may be viewed as someone who simply cannot stay true to his wife rather than someone who is actually suffering from an illness. Understandably, this fact doesn't make the reality any easier for you if your husband is an addict.

The Meaning of Sexual Addiction

Sexual addiction is a disease associated with obsessive and impulsive sexual activity, despite the risks and dangers involved. People suffering from a sexual addiction will often have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships, sexual or otherwise.

Sex addicts have a particularly intense and difficult-to-control sex drive, which may lead to behaviors such as:

Compulsive masturbation
Multiple extra-marital affairs
Multiple or anonymous sex partners
Consistent use of pornography
Unsafe sex
Phone/computer sex
Prostitution/use of prostitutes
Exhibitionism
Obsessive dating through personal ads
Sexual harassment
Molestation or Rape

It is easy to see how these types of behavior could lead to divorce. If your husband displays any of these behaviors, and is unwilling to work on getting his sex addiction under control, you may opt to end your marriage.

If you are unsure how to leave your spouse while they are suffering from an addiction, visit our library for helpful tips and advice.

At Hofheimer/Ferrebee, our Virginia divorce attorneys care about your rights, the welfare and happiness of your children, and your financial security. Let us use our unique experience and legal expertise to help you focus on your goals for your future and your family. Contact us today at (757) 425-5200 for more information about our monthly seminars, or to schedule a one-hour legal consultation with one of our Virginia women's divorce attorneys.

What to Do After Signing a Virginia Separation Agreement

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27787 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 08:00:00 EST

The decision to separate from your spouse is one that requires much thought and consideration. It is a difficult choice that can lead to conflicted emotions.

Your Virginia divorce attorney will help you through the process of negotiating and preparing your Virginia separation agreement. Once your separation agreement is signed, you've entered into a binding contract and can proceed with your Virginia divorce. After the agreement is signed, however, you'll likely still need to wait 6 months or even a year before you can legally divorce your spouse in Virginia.

Here are some tips to help make this separation period as positive and productive as possible:

Keep to the decisions you agreed to in your separation agreement. Adjusting to new conditions can be difficult, but doing so will help you avoid unnecessary conflict and further disruption of your family life. It also demonstrates your responsibility and willingness to cooperate, which helps your case.
If you have children, take this time to make them feel as secure as you can. Allow them opportunities to open up about what they're feeling. To the best of your ability, provide them with predictable, comforting activities and safe limits.
Don't enter into a new relationship. You're in a vulnerable emotional state that isn't conducive to starting a healthy romance. In addition, you are still married, so dating someone else would count as adultery. This could have a negative impact on your divorce case.
The divorce process has just begun, so take time for yourself to relax and refocus in whatever way works best for you.

Throughout your divorce proceedings, you'll naturally have a lot of questions specific to your circumstances. That is why it is so important to have a Virginia divorce lawyer on your side who understands your case and will keep your best interests in mind when defending your case in court.

Learn more about Virginia separation agreements by visiting our library.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Adultery and Alimony in a Virginia Divorce

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27786 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 08:00:00 EST

Virginia women going through a Virginia divorce may be able to receive alimony (spousal support) from their husbands depending the financial circumstances and contributions of both parties. However, there is a part of the law that may bar a prospective alimony recipient from being granted payments if there is proof that she has committed adultery.

We all know that accusations of cheating, whether or not they have any basis in fact, are very common in the breakdown of a relationship.

When leveling accusations, your husband may be honestly mistaken or using claims of adultery to diminish your position in the eyes of the court in order to avoid having to pay you alimony. Either way, it makes for a stressful situation that can put a woman's right to alimony in jeopardy.

Fortunately, the state of Virginia does not consider banning spousal support on the grounds of adultery unless there is proof that the adultery took place.

Virginia courts require solid proof of adultery, such as testimony from a private investigator and evidence (photos, etc.) of the extra-martial relationship. Obtaining such evidence requires time and money that the accusing party may not have.

Preliminary hearings where temporary or "pendente lite" (pending litigation) spousal support is decided do not offer enough time to introduce evidence for adultery, so accusations are unlikely to affect the granting of spousal support at this time unless your husband's receipt of this evidence is what led to your divorce situation.

A woman seeking a divorce in Virginia should consult with a knowledgeable Virginia divorce attorney to help explain legal rights as well as spousal support and child custody issues. A Virginia divorce attorney may be able to offer mediation to remedy conflicts over alimony, or will fight for you in court if necessary.

Learn more about Virginia separation agreements by visiting our library.

At this vulnerable time, it's critical that you have exceptional legal representation that not only understands the specifics of your case, but is dedicated to your best interests and that of your family.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Marital Separation Agreement: A Separate Contract vs. A Merger with Judgment

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27783 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 08:00:00 EST

If you plan to take advantage of a marital separation agreement (otherwise known as a property settlement agreement), to help with your Virginia divorce proceedings, you will have to submit your agreement to the court. The agreement must be signed by both you and your husband. Remember, it is important to have an experienced Virginia divorce attorney look over the settlement before you sign anything.

Once the document has been signed and submitted to the court, it becomes a legally binding contract. At this point, the court will have two options: your marital separation agreement could be deemed a separate contract, or, it could be merged with the judgment to allow for modification, much like a court order.

Marital Separation Agreement as a Separate Contract

As a separate contract, a property settlement agreement is generally more difficult to modify. This is because it would fall into contract law, rather than that of a court order.

It would be more difficult or impossible to modify:

The extent and duration of spousal support and maintenance.
Terms of child support

Your right to sue for any violation of the contract would remain constant.

Marital Separation Agreement as Merged With the Judgment of Your Divorce

This option allows you more modification options through the court.

Modifications can include:

Duration and amount of spousal maintenance
Terms of child support

However, you will have no right to sue because there is no surviving contract on which to sue.

Browse our library to learn more about the complications and fundamentals of marital separation agreements.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee care about your rights, the welfare and happiness of your children, and your financial security. Let us use our unique experience and legal expertise to help you focus on your goals for your future and your family. Contact us today at (757) 425-5200 for more information about our monthly seminars, or to schedule a one-hour legal consultation with one of our Virginia women's divorce attorneys.

The Differences Between Marital and Non-Marital Property

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27782 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 08:00:00 EST

If you are filing for divorce in the state of Virginia and you have chosen to include a marital separation agreement, you will soon be dividing up your property and debt.

You may now be wondering how the property will be divided. Generally, the way your property and debt are divided depends on the status of each item as a marital or non-marital asset.

Marital Property in a Marital Separation Agreement

Marital property and debt is that which is considered to belong to you and your husband jointly. This dual ownership is believed to be a function of marriage and is often difficult to divide when the marriage ends.

Here are general rules as to what qualifies as marital property:

Anything acquired after the date of your marriage is considered marital property or debt.
Even those things which were acquired individually after the date of marriage can be considered marital property, including rights to pension and profit-sharing plans.
Real estate in both names is considered marital property.

Non-marital Property in a Marital Separation Agreement

Non-marital property is all that belongs to you individually. More simply put, anything that is not covered by the marital property requirements listed above is non-marital property.

Here are general rules as to what qualifies as non-marital property:

All assets or debts acquired before the marriage are non-marital debt.
Gifts and Inheritance are considered non-marital assets.
Income from individually owned property is non-marital property.

Browse our library to learn more about marital separation agreement.

Talk to the experienced women's divorce lawyers at Hofheimer/Ferrebee to learn how to secure your property, your children's needs, and your financial security. Let us use our unique experience and legal expertise to help you focus on your goals for your future and your family. Contact us today at (757) 425-5200 for more information about our monthly seminars, or to schedule a one-hour legal consultation with one of our Virginia women's divorce attorneys.

How to Behave During a Virginia Separation

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27781 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 08:00:00 EST

In some Virginia separations, you and your estranged husband may be unable to live apart. Perhaps you simply don't have the financial means at this time to establish two separate households. Or maybe you have very young children, or children with special needs that you are not yet ready to keep apart from either parent for any length of time.

Although in most circumstances, you and your spouse must cease living together in the same home, this is not strictly required for your separation to take effect. Your Virginia divorce attorney can talk to you about what steps you should take to ensure that your separation is recognized in the eyes of the Virginia court, especially if you choose an in-home separation.

Listed below are a few guidelines on how to behave during your Virginia separation:

Do not get physically, or emotionally, intimate with your estranged husband. If there are unresolved issues between the two of you, avoid being alone with your spouse in the event that "one thing could lead to another..."
Stop acting like a couple; don't attend social functions together and don't share food, cell phone service, or a credit card.
Make it clear to family and friends that you and your husband are separated and seeking an end to the marriage.

At this vulnerable time, it's critical that you have exceptional legal representation that not only understands the specifics of your case, but is dedicated to your best interests and those of your family.

Browse our library to learn more about Virginia separation.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in separation issues, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

When Is a Virginia Separation Agreement Necessary?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27780 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 08:00:00 EST

If you are considering seeking a Virginia legal separation, you should be aware that there is technically no legal separation in Virginia. While you and your estranged husband can separate, and it is legal, that separation is not considered a legal action that requires a formal court document.

It is important to note however, that a separation in Virginia is the first step to achieving a Virginia divorce. If you and your husband have determined that you definitely want a divorce, you may want to talk to a Virginia divorce attorney about your need to seek a Virginia separation agreement and how to handle your initial separation period.

A Virginia separation agreement, also known as a property settlement agreement, can be used to sort out critical issues associated with divorce, including:

Child custody
Child support
Division of property and joint assets
Spousal support, or alimony
Separation of joint bills and tax issues

The Virginia separation agreement will ideally allow you and your estranged spouse to peacefully work towards a civil divorce. It's important that during this emotionally turbulent time, you have the help of an experienced Virginia divorce attorney who will help you protect your assets and rights.

To learn more about legal separation in Virginia read Can I Get Legally Separated in Virginia?

At this vulnerable time, it's critical that you have exceptional legal representation that not only understands the specifics of your case, but is dedicated to your best interests.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

What Is a Collaborative Divorce Coach?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27346 — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

A divorce is an extremely emotional process, but you may find that a collaborative divorce can be less emotionally draining than traditional divorce litigation. A Virginia collaborative divorce takes a non-adversarial approach to dispute resolution and teaches you to cooperate with your soon-to-be-former spouse.

During your Virginia collaborative divorce, you will work with a team of collaborative divorce attorneys and coaches, as well as a financial expert and child specialist. While most of these titles sound self-explanatory, you may wonder "what is a collaborative divorce coach?"

A collaborative divorce coach is a licensed mental health professional, such as a social worker, psychologist, or marriage and family therapist, who works with you on reaching a divorce agreement with your husband. In order to become a Virginia collaborative divorce coach, one must go through specialized training on the collaborative divorce process.

Each side has their own divorce coach who will assist them during the collaborative divorce. The coach can help his or her client manage their emotions during negotiation. They may also help their client learn how to communicate more effectively.

While the divorce coach's primary goal is to help their client reach a collaborative divorce settlement, they may continue working with the client for a period of time after the divorce is complete.

Browse our library to learn more about the Virginia collaborative divorce process.

In addition to having a good divorce coach, it is important to have an experienced Virginia divorce attorney on your side. While we know that a collaborative divorce can't eliminate the pain associated with the dissolution of a marriage, the Virginia women's divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee want to help you to achieve a peaceful and successful resolution that will enable you and your children to move on with your lives and look ahead to the future.

Begin the process of your collaborative divorce today and get closer to starting your new life with peace of mind. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Virginia Collaborative Divorce Guidelines

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27345 — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Have you and your spouse decided to pursue a Virginia collaborative divorce? While a collaborative divorce is generally less stressful than a traditional divorce, it is important to follow a few guidelines while going through the process.

First, remember, the goal is not to "win." Difficult as it can be, keep in mind that working together will help your relationship in the long run, which is better than a short-lived triumph. You will also set a good example for your children by showing that you can resolve disputes without having a "winner" and a "loser."

Remain polite throughout your collaborative divorce. This includes minding your manners and acting in a non-adversarial manner. When communicating, try using "I" statements rather than "you" statements; this can help you to avoid a conflict with your estranged husband.

Throughout the process of your Virginia collaborative divorce, try to see things from your husband's point of view. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own thoughts that we fail to put ourselves in the other person's shoes. On the other hand, you can agree to disagree. You and your spouse are different people, and you will not always see eye to eye on every issue.

Browse our library to learn more about Virginia collaborative divorce.

It is also important to hire a Virginia collaborative divorce attorney to guide you through the process. Your attorney will give you personalized advice and act as a mentor and advocate during this time. While we know that a collaborative divorce can't eliminate the pain associated with the dissolution of a marriage, the Virginia women's divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee want to help you to achieve a peaceful and successful resolution that will enable you and your children to move on with your lives and look ahead to the future.

Begin the process of your collaborative divorce today and get closer to starting your new life with peace of mind. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Can I Get The Other Party To Pay For The Divorce?

jtarkington@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27305 — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

can I get him to pay for it? The law in Virginia certainly allows the court to make an award of attorney’s fees in favor of either party. It is an issue for the court, it may be done in a preliminary stage of the proceeding or it may have to go forward at a final hearing or in some circumstances, maybe reserved for a hearing after the conclusion of the divorce litigation itself.

In the circumstance where the parties have come to an agreement, it is quite common that both parties will agree that they will pay their own attorney’s fees and this is part of the agreement and negotiation process. There is case law in Virginia that reflects that if a party is awarded spousal support that the court should make some provision for the payment of attorney’s fees by the support paying party.

That law has been in effect in Virginia for about 30 years and while it has obviously had some bits of pieces and circumstances in which the court found it inappropriate, the general proposition is still good law. The court will usually consider the reasonableness of the parties and whether or not issues that ultimately are litigated have in fact been properly litigated, that is to say that there is such either a complex issue or that the matter has to be dealt with by the court as a matter of complexity that the matter would then have to be determined. If that court makes that finding that the matter needed to be determined by the court, then the court will generally not award either party attorney’s fees. If the court thinks the one party is trying to utilize the system to increase cost or create delay in the process, then the court will be more likely to award the innocent party some portion of their attorney’s fees.

Choosing a Virginia Collaborative Divorce Attorney

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27200 — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Let's say you have weighed your options and decided that a Virginia collaborative divorce is the right choice for you. Now you have to go through the process of choosing a collaborative divorce attorney. Because selecting an attorney is so important, you should take your time to ensure you find the right one for you.

When you interview a potential Virginia collaborative divorce attorney, you should first ask about their experience. It is a good idea to select an attorney who has experience with both traditional Virginia divorce litigation as well as collaborative divorce.

You should also ask the attorney if they belong to any collaborative law associations or attend any continuing legal education courses on the subject. Because this is a relatively new field, you will need to make sure your attorney has experience with collaborative divorce cases.

The most important factor to consider when choosing a collaborative divorce attorney is how well you "click" with them. Your attorney will be working with you through an emotionally difficult time in your life and you need to make sure that you are comfortable with the person representing your interests. Keep in mind that you will depend on your collaborative divorce lawyer to be your advocate, mediator, and communicator during this process. It is crucial to hire an attorney you trust.

Browse our library to learn more about collaborative divorce lawyers.

Are you looking for an experienced collaborative divorce attorney? While we know that a collaborative divorce can't eliminate the pain associated with the dissolution of a marriage, the Virginia women's divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee want to help you to achieve a peaceful and successful resolution that will enable you and your children to move on with your lives and look ahead to the future.

Begin the process of your collaborative divorce today and get closer to starting your new life with peace of mind. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Differences between Divorce Mediation and Collaborative Divorce

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27199 — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

If you have been looking for alternatives to divorce litigation, you may have heard about divorce mediation and collaborative divorce. While both allow you to work with your spouse to settle the terms of your divorce, there are major differences between the two.

In divorce mediation, a couple works with a neutral, third-party mediator to make decisions regarding their divorce agreement. The mediator assists the couple in gathering facts and brainstorming solutions, but can only offer solutions if the couple reaches an impasse.

In a collaborative divorce, a couple works with a team in order to come up with their divorce agreement. This team consists of divorce attorneys and divorce coaches (one for each party) as well as a neutral financial specialist and child specialist. Rather than allowing the couple to work out their problems on their own, as happens during divorce mediation, the collaborative divorce team assists the couple in dispute resolution.

The primary difference between divorce mediation and collaborative divorce is legal representation. Collaborative divorce may be the best option for you if you feel uncomfortable drafting a divorce agreement without legal counsel. It may also be beneficial if there is an imbalance of power between you and your husband, as your collaborative divorce attorney can act on your behalf.

Learn more about collaborative divorce by visiting our library.

Are you trying to decide if collaborative divorce is right for you? While we know that a collaborative divorce can't eliminate the pain associated with the dissolution of a marriage, the Virginia women's divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee want to help you to achieve a peaceful and successful resolution that will enable you and your children to move on with your lives and look ahead to the future.

Begin the process of your collaborative divorce today and get closer to starting your new life with peace of mind. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

What is a Virginia Collaborative Divorce?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27197 — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

If you're a Virginia woman considering a divorce, you may be apprehensive about the process. The idea of fighting it out in a courtroom can be an unpleasant prospect. Fortunately, a Virginia collaborative divorce offers an option that requires less courtroom time and less drama.

Collaborative divorce differs from traditional divorce in many ways. It is based on mutual respect and an agreement between the divorcing parties to keep open minds and engage in civil dialogue. A collaborative divorce takes place mostly outside of court, usually in the office of your Virginia divorce attorney.

In Virginia law firms that specialize in collaborative divorce, a team of experts will work with you and your spouse to facilitate agreements on key issues like division of property, child support, and alimony.

A Virginia collaborative divorce can offer certain benefits to couples that are able to proceed with amicable negotiations:

Speed and convenience. Thanks to the lack of courtroom wrangling, collaborative divorces tend to be quicker than the traditional model.
Privacy. Rather than the couple airing their personal finances and other private issues in open court, these things can be handled privately by the collaborative divorce team.
Cost effectiveness. Collaborative divorce can cost less than traditional divorce, and the divorcing parties benefit from the counsel of a team of 4 or more experts. Overall, it is an excellent value.

Many Virginia couples that used a collaborative divorce team report a less stressful, more manageable divorce experience.

Browse our library to learn more about collaborative divorce in Virginia.

While we know that a collaborative divorce can't eliminate the pain associated with the dissolution of a marriage, the Virginia women's divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee want to help you to achieve a peaceful and successful resolution that will enable you and your children to move on with your lives and look ahead to the future.

Begin the process of your collaborative divorce today and get closer to starting your new life with peace of mind. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Tips for Handling Divorce-Related Stress

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)27195 — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Although Virginia women have a wide range of legal options when it comes to a divorce, the process of dissolving your marriage can still be a stress-inducing experience.

A divorce is one of the top causes of stress among women because it threatens the thing we cherish most: the stability of our home and family. However, divorce stress doesn't have to take over your life; it can be managed by taking some positive action.

Listed below are suggestions for coping with divorce-related stress:

Mind your meals. Eating well under stress may differ slightly from your normal diet. When you're going through a difficult time, you may be inclined to either overeat or not eat enough. Be mindful of your habits but don't pressure yourself to stick to a strict diet. Aim for simple healthy meals that make you feel good.
Get plenty of rest. Sleep problems are among the most common symptoms of stress. Take steps to make your room a sleep-friendly environment. There are also natural supplements available to help you rest.
Gather a support system. Having friends and family around to lend a listening ear can help ease some of the burden of divorce. If the circumstances of your divorce have put you out of touch with some key people in your life, you may find solace with a counsellor or a support group.
Take a quiet moment. Meditation or quiet time can be incredibly helpful during a period of stress. Although being still may seem like doing nothing, in reality you are doing something vital for your well-being.

Taking care of your physical and emotional health is an essential part of a strategy that will help you come through your divorce strong, optimistic and ready to start a new life.

The decision to file for divorce usually comes at the end of a long and painful journey. In addition to the emotional turmoil involved, there's also a lot of fear and uncertainty about what the future holds. Concerns about children, mortgages, and even just paying the bills or buying groceries can easily become overwhelming.

A Virginia divorce attorney can examine the specifics of your case to help you decide how much support to ask for, what child custody arrangement will work best for you and your children, and how to fairly divide your marital assets. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Can I Get A Divorce If My Spouse Does Not Want One?

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26811 — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

The short answer to that is yes. It only takes one person to want a divorce and to complete a divorce in Virginia, and although it may take a little bit longer or may be a little bit more expensive because the other person isn't cooperating or not responding, if one person wants to get a divorce that person can file the appropriate motions and set the appropriate hearings and complete the case.

How long will it take to get a Divorce in Virginia?

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26810 — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

A contested case takes somewhere between 18 and 24 months. It generally depends on how soon after the person leaves the home compared to when they file. So someone who leaves the home and files immediately, that case would generally take between 18 and 24 months if it's contested. If a person leaves right at the one-year separation the case could probably be completed in about 6 to 8 months. Those are for contested cases. For uncontested cases generally once the time period is past the one-year or the 6-month separation, a divorce can take about six to eight weeks and then it will be complete.

What is the difference between Uncontested Divorce and No-Fault Divorce?

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26807 — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

An uncontested divorce means that all issues between you and your husband are resolved. There are no disputes as they relate to money, the children, the house, the debt, everything is settled preferably in a written separation agreement. A no-fault divorce simply means that there are no fault grounds. It simply means that you're not filing on adultery or desertion, cruelty and so forth but issues relating to the children, support, retirement, the house could still be at issue. So while all uncontested divorces are no fault, no-fault divorces are not necessarily uncontested.

How to Gather Evidence in a Virginia Custody Case

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26771 — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

If you are currently going through a Virginia divorce, you may be dealing with child custody issues. It is important to gather evidence for your Virginia custody case in order to show the court that it is in your child's best interest for you to maintain legal custody of him or her. Evidence may include records, photos, and witness testimony.

The first thing you should do is hire an experienced Virginia divorce lawyer. This will help ensure your evidence is admitted in court. It may help you to have a Virginia divorce attorney on your side that not only understands the specific circumstances of your divorce, but has extensive experience in Virginia child custody disputes.

You should also keep a journal regarding events that occur between you, your child, and your ex-spouse. For example, is your ex-husband late when picking up or dropping off your children? Are they tired, hungry, or dirty when they come home? On the other hand, it is important to write down activities and things that you do with your children on a daily basis to show that they are being cared for.

If your child is being abused or neglected by their other parent, you should take photographs that document the abuse. You can also take photographs of your home and your ex-husband's home to use as evidence.

You may also choose to call witnesses to testify on your behalf. For example, if your ex-husband is frequently late picking up your child, ask a friend or family member to be with you so he or she can testify about it in court. If any friends or family members have firsthand knowledge regarding your ex-husband's parenting, ask them to testify for you during your child custody hearing.

Browse our library to learn more about Virginia Legal Custody.

You should speak with an experienced Virginia divorce attorney before gathering evidence for your child custody case. When trying to win a child custody case, it is important to have legal representation on your side. We understand that the health and happiness of your child is your #1 concern and we will work with you to address any fears and anxieties that you may have about your child's future.

Our women's divorce attorneys will work with you every step of the way to ensure that you achieve the best possible child custody and child support arrangements for you and your children. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

How to Win Virginia Child Custody

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26768 — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

In a divorce case, no one really wins - especially not the children. The courts award custody based on the best interest of the children. With that in mind, there are a few things that you can do to show the judge that you should be awarded custody of your children.

The first thing to remember in a Virginia child custody case is to always be honest. If you lie during your trial, you will more than likely be caught. Tell the judge honestly why living with you would be the best for your child. Please note that putting down the other parent or name calling will not work in your favor.

Your Virginia divorce attorney should help you collect evidence on your behalf. For example, always document situations with your husband that are of concern to you: does he bring your child home tired, hungry, and dirty? Likewise, you should also write down the activities that you do with your child.

Your Virginia divorce lawyer may bring in witnesses to testify that you are a good parent. Witnesses may include friends, family, teachers, and doctors who have first-hand knowledge of your parenting skills.

Even if you are fighting for physical custody, you should allow your ex-spouse ample visitation with your children. It is important for children to interact with both parents and develop a good relationship. If you can show the court that you understand this, the judge may be willing to award you primary custody.

Browse our library to learn more about Virginia Legal Custody.

When trying to win a Virginia child custody case, it is important to have legal representation on your side. We understand that the health and happiness of your child is your #1 concern and we will work with you to address any fears and anxieties that you may have about your child's future. Our women's divorce attorneys will work with you every step of the way to ensure that you achieve the best possible child custody and child support arrangements for you and your children. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Filing for a Child Support Increase in Virginia

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26765 — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Raising a child can be financially draining, especially if you are a single parent. If you are interested in getting an increase in your Virginia child support, you should contact an experienced Virginia divorce attorney. You may be owed an increase in child support if your child's expenses have recently gone up, or your ex-husband is now making more money. Your Virginia divorce lawyer can help you file the necessary paperwork for a child support increase.

You will need to go to the original court where your child support order was issued. The court, or your Virginia divorce attorney, can help you locate the forms needed to request an increase in child support. After the forms have been completed and filed, you will be told when to come back to court for your hearing. Next, your ex-husband will be served with a copy of the paperwork you filed and notified of the court date.

Before your court date, you should gather documents that show any expenses related to raising your child. This includes the amount of money you are spending on rent, food, clothing, schooling, and medical treatment. The judge will take this amount into consideration when making a decision regarding a Virginia child support increase.

When it is your court date, you should already have an idea of the amount of support you are requesting. Be sure that the amount is realistic to avoid having your case thrown out. In some cases, your Virginia divorce attorney may be able to negotiate with your ex-husband's attorney to come up with a child support increase amount that is fair to both parties.

If you are seeking a Virginia child support increase, contact an experienced Virginia divorce attorney who specializes in child support disputes. It's critical that you have exceptional legal representation that not only understands the specifics of your case, but is dedicated to your best interests and that of your family.

Browse our library to learn more about getting an increase in Virginia child support.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life and care for your child. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Child Support Recovery Act

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26764 — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Sadly, in the Commonwealth of Virginia, there are more than 441,000 children who are affected by a noncustodial parent who refuses to pay child support. The Virginia Department of Social Services Division of Child Support Enforcement was created to help parents recover money to look after their child's well-being.

The Child Support Recovery Act of 1992 was also put in place to enforce child support and punish the deadbeat parents who try to shrug off their parental responsibilities. This law makes it a federal crime for parents to cross state lines in order to avoid paying child support.

A parent may be found in violation of the law if child support is unpaid for more than 1 year or the total amount of child support is over $5,000.

The penalties for violating the Child Support Recovery Act includes up to 6 months in prison and a fine. If convicted a second time, the deadbeat parent may spend 2 years in a prison cell and face increased fines.

If you think the Child Support Recovery Act applies to your case in Virginia, contact the DCSE office. The DCSE may then refer your case to the U.S. Attorney's office in order to prosecute the deadbeat parent and recover unpaid child support.

Learn more about child support enforcement in Virginia.

Do you have questions about the Child Support Recovery Act? You should contact an experienced Virginia divorce attorney. When trying to win a child support case, it is important to have legal representation on your side. We understand that the health and happiness of your child is your #1 concern and we will work with you to address any fears and anxieties that you may have about your child's future.

Our women's divorce attorneys will work with you every step of the way to ensure that you achieve the best possible child custody and child support arrangements for you and your children. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

How to Use Virginia Child Support Tables

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26763 — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

In calculating the amount of Virginia child support owed to the custodial parent, gross income plays a major role. Child support tables may be used by the Virginia divorce court to figure out how much the noncustodial parent will be ordered to pay.

On the Virginia child support table, there is a combined monthly gross income column. Sources of gross income may include: salary, wages, commissions, bonuses, royalties, spousal support, gifts, prizes, awards, etc. There are also rows with the number of children to which the noncustodial parent owes support.

In order to use the Virginia child support table, first locate the combined monthly gross income for both you and your ex-spouse. After you find this, locate the number of children that you have with your ex-spouse. For example, if your combined monthly gross income is $2,500 and you have 2 children, the noncustodial parent will be ordered to pay $610 per month.

It is important to keep in mind that while these tables are used as a guideline by the court, factors such as medical expenses and child-care costs may be used when calculating the amount of Virginia child support for your children. You should speak with an experienced Virginia divorce attorney who understands child support law to learn more about how these tables are used.

Learn more about how Virginia child support payments are calculated by visiting our library.

The skilled Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee can speak with you in detail about child support payments. We understand that the health and happiness of your child is your #1 concern and we will work with you to address any fears and anxieties that you may have about your child's future. Our women's divorce attorneys will work with you every step of the way to ensure that you achieve the best possible child custody and child support arrangements for you and your children. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Child Support Payments Affected by the Economy

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26762 — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Because of the recession, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are unable to make their child support payments because they have lost their jobs. In fact, the State of Tennessee reports that it has collected less in child support payments than last year; the first decline in child support payments in more than a decade.

Across the nation, other states are noticing the effect the poor economy is having on child support. In New York, the Family Court has been overwhelmed by child support modification requests by mothers and fathers who have recently been laid off. In Milwaukee, there was a 20% increase in the number of custodial parents who filed for child support enforcement.

There are several reasons why parents can no longer afford to support their children as they have in the past; layoffs, cutbacks in hours, loss of stocks and home foreclosures can result in the noncustodial parent being desperate for cash. Some custodial parents must apply for welfare in order to support their children.

Unfortunately, some noncustodial parents simply quit paying child support after a job loss. If the parent does not contact their state's child support enforcement agency to modify the payments, he or she can be penalized. In some states, the noncustodial parent can be charged with contempt of court each time he or she misses a payment and may even be thrown in jail.

Learn more about how Virginia child support payments are calculated by visiting our library.

If you have questions about Virginia child support, it is important to speak with an experienced divorce attorney. We understand that the health and happiness of your child is your #1 concern and we will work with you to address any fears and anxieties that you may have about your child's future. Our women's divorce attorneys will work with you every step of the way to ensure that you achieve the best possible child custody and child support arrangements for you and your children. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Paradigm Shift in a Virginia Divorce

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26715 — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Paradigm Shift

With this sense of "unknowing," our eventual direction depends upon how we choose to see our situations. We are not victims here. Divorce is not only a close of sorts but also an inception. For many, it is a move toward authenticity–with less need for posturing and appeasing; a space for what is real starts to increasingly reveal itself. "Needs" are naturally examined in this time of transition, and it is refreshing to see that paring down and edging toward more simplicity can be soul empowering. The social checklist of to-dos seems laughably dated, and regrets hold no power beyond the literal–wish it would have worked, but it didn't–so–forward we move–not towards "more," but towards the pared down essentials: what is really important here? Can we uncomplicate this so we are joyful and hopeful, fresh and free to be present?

Happy Valentines Day from a Divorce Attorney--Are you Kidding ?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26654 — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

You know, not every spouse who comes to see a divorce attorney gets divorced. Even folks who have filed for divorce often change their mind .Why ? Because love is a powerful force that is magical and healing,especially in the worst of times.
A divorce attorney's life is not just about break-ups. It is also about family healings and love overcoming the shortcomings and frailties of relationships. When you deeply love your spouse, you sometimes have to stretch the boundries of the acceptable to persevere and rebuild your marriage.As a Divorce attorney, I can tell you I have seen the depths of love during the earliest stages of reconciliation. I have witnessed great courage displayed by forgiving spouses who step back from the abyss of despair to forge a stronger and better relationship with their life partner. Helping couples save their relationship, when appropriate, is as fulfilling as helping to end an inappropriate relationship. So on this Valentine's weekend, I want to wish friends and family, clients and colleagues a wonderful Valentine's weekend and a Happy Valentine's day. And to my wife Diane, I love you and Happy Valentine's Day !

How Do I Find a Divorce Attorney?

apbriguera@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26625 — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Susan Pease Gaduoa gives three keys to finding the right divorce attorney.

Finding an attorney is easy. Finding the right attorney is the trick. If you look in your local yellow pages, you will see that attorneys can have many types of specializations and there is often no shortage of them.

Click on this link for full article.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/200912/how-do-i-find-divorce-attorney

Physical Custody and Legal Custody

khofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26543 — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

In Virginia, there's physical custody and there's legal custody. Legal custody has to do with decision-making authority. It has nothing to do with how much time the children spend with one parent or the other parent. Legal custody can be joint legal custody or sole legal custody and as I said it doesn't have to do with how much time the children spend with each parent, it has to do with making major decisions that are going to have a long-term effect on your children's lives, such as decisions over education, religion or non-emergency medical treatment. If you have sole legal custody then you can unilaterally make those decisions or you can make those decisions for yourself without having to consult with your spouse first. Joint legal custody, on the other hand, means that you have to converse with your spouse about the issues that are going to have a long-term impact on your children's lives and try to reach a resolution with your spouse on those issues.

Physical Custody of Children in Virginia

khofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26503 — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

In Virginia, we have primary physical custody; we have shared physical custody and we have split physical custody. Primary physical custody is what most people are traditionally accustomed to and that's where the children live primarily with one parent and have visitation with the other parent. Visitation schedule might look something like every other weekend and some visitation time during the week and then split holidays and extra time during the summer. Shared physical custody is something where it's not necessarily a 50/50 split of the children's time but the children are time sharing more than they would under a traditional primary physical custody model and so there are different ways that parents agree or the court orders that they share their time with their children but it's something more than a traditional custody, visitation schedule. Split custody is when some children live with one parent and some children live with the other parent. Typically when you see split custody it's when the parents have got together and they've decided between the two of them that based on the children's relationships with each parent that it's better for their family for some children to live with one parent and some children to live with the other parent. Courts sometimes will order split custody but usually the courts like to keep brothers and sisters together, so typically when you see a split custody arrangement it's because that's what the family decided for themselves was best for their family.

What are the Challenges of Primary Physical Custody?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26455 — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

When a parent is granted primary physical custody in Virginia, the child lives exclusively with that parent and, in nearly all cases, the other parent has visitation rights that occur on a set schedule.

The custody arrangement-also referred to as sole legal custody-can be beneficial for the child, but it also presents some challenges, which also should be considered as you and your Virginia divorce attorney discuss the possibility of pursuing this type of custody.

Your child is likely to miss your estranged spouse. In the aftermath of a divorce, it can be incredibly traumatic for your child to go from living with both parents to only seeing one parent on the weekend or a few times a month. Your child will likely miss having the other parent around and it may create tension between you and your child.
The primary custodian will have more responsibilities. As the primary custodian, you will no longer be sharing the daily duties of raising and disciplining your child, and you may find it difficult to suddenly be the only one in charge.
Your spouse may feel like a bad parent. The parent who did not receive primary physical custody may feel like the court was passing judgment on his or her parenting abilities. There is also the possibility that this tension could filter down to your child.

To learn more about primary physical custody in Virginia, read our article Benefits and Challenges of Primary Physical Custody in Virginia.

At this vulnerable time, it's critical that you have exceptional legal representation that not only understands the specifics of your case, but is dedicated to your best interests and that of your family.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

What are the Benefits of Primary Physical Custody?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26454 — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Primary physical custody occurs when a child lives exclusively with one parent, although the other parent will almost always be granted visitation rights.

This custodial arrangement has a number of benefits for your child, which should be carefully considered when determining how custody will be shared.

Listed below are a few of the factors to consider when pursuing primary physical custody in a Virginia divorce:

Your child will be able to maintain a consistent routine. This is important for your child, especially in the aftermath of a traumatic divorce. Living with one parent ensures that your child has a normal day-to-day routine and can attend the same school.
Your child will still be able to visit with the other parent. Even though your child is living with just you, he or she will still be able to visit your spouse during specified times.
Your child doesn't need to have two of everything. One of the issues with joint physical custody, especially for younger children, is leaving toys and friends behind when living with the other parent. This can be troubling for younger children who thrive on consistency.

To learn more about primary physical custody in Virginia, refer to our article Benefits and Challenges of Primary Physical Custody in Virginia.

Throughout your divorce proceedings, you'll naturally have a lot of questions specific to your circumstances. That is why it is so important to have a Virginia divorce lawyer on your side who understands your case and will keep your best interests in mind when defending your case in court.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule a legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

The Challenges of Joint Physical Custody

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26452 — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

As the Virginia Legislative Code defines it, joint physical custody allows parents to share physical custody of their child. In this scenario, the child can live with both parents on a routine, agreed-upon schedule. While shared physical custody can be beneficial because it allows the child to spend substantial time with each parent, this custody arrangement also has its downsides, including:

Your child's routine is disrupted. After going through a traumatizing divorce, it can be an additional stress on your child to have to change his or her routine on a daily or weekly basis. Even though parents may try to keep activities consistent, it can be hard for a child to move from house to house regularly.
Parents that live far apart have additional challenges. It can be even harder on a child if the parents live far apart or in separate states, which means that the child must change schools and leave his or her friends behind when going to live with the other parent. If at all possible, it is easiest on the child if they can attend the same school and maintain the activities they engaged in before the divorce.
Children may be caught in the middle of feuding parents. In some cases where marriages ended on less than amicable terms, children involved in shared physical custody arrangements may feel that they need to "spy" on one parent or give information to the other parent. They may also feel as if they have to choose between one of their parents or express that they like living with one parent more than the other.

Before entering into any child custody agreement, it's important to think about the best interests of your child and work with your spouse to try and come to the best possible parenting arrangement.

Browse our library to learn more about the Pros and Cons of Joint Physical Custody in Virginia.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee exclusively represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us to set up a legal consultation of your case - (757) 425-5200.

Benefits of Joint Physical Custody

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26450 — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Virginia joint physical custody, according to the Virginia Legislative Code, refers to a situation in which the parents share custody and the child lives with both parents on a set schedule. Listed below are some of the ways in which shared child custody can be very beneficial for children of divorce:

Shared custody allows more time with each parent. Unlike primary physical custody-also known as sole physical custody-in which the child lives only with one parent and sees the other during regular visitation, joint physical custody allows the child to live with each parent. This allows both parents to maintain a healthy parent-child relationship with their children.
Parents benefit from having another parent around. There is nothing easy about being a single parent. Having your child's father around and available to step in and give you some relief is as beneficial for you as it is for your child.
Parents are forced to cooperate for the sake of their child. Joint physical custody means parents share the responsibilities of co-parenting. Parents who can successfully manage to share physical custody usually have less cause to draw out custody disputes in court and learn to communicate when it comes to their child's well-being.
Children benefit by feeling less "rejected" by an absent parent. When a child is allowed to spend large amounts of time with both parents, as is common in joint physical custody, the child is much less likely to feel abandoned by the parent "moving out." This can ease the adjustment to life after a divorce as opposed to being thrown into a circumstance where one parent becomes absent from the child's life for long periods of time.

To learn more about joint physical custody in Virginia, refer to our article The Pros and Cons of Joint Physical Custody.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee exclusively represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us to set up a legal consultation of your case - (757) 425-5200.

Virginia Resident Embroiled in Contentious Child Custody Case

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26448 — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

During Virginia divorce proceedings, the issue of child custody is often the most difficult issue to resolve amicably. A recent child custody case involving a Virginia resident has dominated the headlines, showing just how contentious these issues can become for parents seeking legal or physical child custody.

Janet Jenkins is fighting for joint custody of 7-year-old Isabella Miller-Jenkins with her former partner, Lisa Miller, who lives in Virginia. According to the Washington Post, Miller was granted legal and physical custody of the child in 2003, but Jenkins retained visitation rights.

Since that time however, circumstances for the family have changed and the case was reevaluated by the court. This resulted in Jenkins receiving primary physical custody. In the latest twist in this heartbreaking child custody case, Lisa Miller has disappeared with the child and she has been ordered to appear in court by the end of February.

As this volatile child custody case illustrates, resolving child custody can be difficult for both parents. That's why it is so important to have a qualified and experienced Virginia child custody attorney working on your side. A knowledgeable lawyer can help you achieve a child custody arrangement that beneficial to your entire family.

To learn more about Virginia physical custody, read What is Virginia Physical Custody?

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee solely represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us to set up a legal consultation of your case - (757) 425-5200.

What is the Difference Between Physical and Legal Custody?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26447 — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

During Virginia divorce proceedings, one of the most contentious aspects can be the issue of physical and legal custody of the children. According to the Virginia Legislative Code, there are important differences between legal and physical custody of which you should be aware.

When a parent is granted legal child custody in Virginia, they have the right to make long-term decisions about the child. This parent can decide where the child will go to school, how they will be disciplined and other major life decisions. If a parent is granted sole legal custody, he or she can make these decisions without consulting the other parent. If parents share legal custody, these decisions must be made together.

Child physical custody determines where the child will live. If a child lives exclusively with one parent, that parent has sole physical custody-or primary physical custody-of the child. If the parents have a joint physical custody agreement, the child will spend time living with both parents, even if only one of the parents has legal custody over the child.

To learn more about Virginia physical custody, read What is Virginia Physical Custody?

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us to step up a legal consultation of your case - (757) 425-5200.

Am I Separated or How do I become Separated in Virginia ?

khofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26289 — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

One of the questions that I'm frequently asked when women come in for consultations is "Am I separated?" or "How do I become separated?". In Virginia, unlike some other states, you don't go down to the courthouse and file for separation and you do not have to have signed a separation agreement in order to become separated. In Virginia, the way to become separated is to simply stop living together as "husband and wife" with your spouse and as long as at least one of you intends to end the marriage at that point, you simply are separated. It's not a status that you need to file for in court and it's not something you have to sign an agreement for to attain "separation" status. You can in fact live separate and apart under the same roof, but there are certain precautions that you need to take (which we'll discuss with you at another time) to ensure that the court knows that you are in fact living separate and apart. But, once you're no longer living together as husband and wife and at least one of you intends to end the marriage, you are separated. It's as easy as that. For more information go to www.freedivorcebook.com where you can obtain the book "What Every Virginia Woman Should Know About Divorce"

What are the Types of Virginia Divorce?

apbriguera@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26248 — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

In Virginia, there are three types of divorce that may be granted: annulment, limited divorce, and absolute divorce. It is important to retain the services of an experienced Virginia divorce attorney to learn which divorce option is right for you and your unique situation.

Annulment in Virginia

While you may have heard of celebrities getting quick and easy annulments; they are not as easy to obtain in a Virginia divorce court. In order to have your marriage annulled, you must prove that there is a critical fault in the marriage. For example, if you married someone who is already married, your marriage may be annulled. In the case of annulment, the court essentially says that the marriage never took place.

Limited Divorce in Virginia

A limited divorce may also be referred to as a legal separation. In a limited divorce, each spouse lives separately, while a court order may divide the couple's property as well as child support and custody. During a Virginia limited divorce, the couples may not remarry.

Absolute Divorce

If an absolute divorce is granted, the couple is released from all bonds of matrimony. However, there is a waiting period of up to one year for an absolute divorce to be granted. Again, there will be court documentation regarding the division of assets and debts as well as child custody and support.

Browse our library to learn more about what to expect in a Virginia divorce court.

Retaining a Virginia Divorce Lawyer

To learn more about Virginia annulment, limited divorce, and absolute divorce, you should contact an experienced Virginia divorce attorney. At this vulnerable time, it's critical that you have exceptional legal representation that not only understands the specifics of your case, but is dedicated to your best interests and that of your family.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee specialize in representing Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us to set up a legal consultation of your case - (757) 425-5200.

Understanding Virginia Equitable Distribution

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26247 — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Are you facing a divorce? If you have done any research on Virginia divorce, you have probably seen how complicated the law can be, particularly to someone who is going through an emotionally demanding experience. From distribution of assets and debts, to child custody and support, it is important to have an experienced Virginia divorce lawyer on your side.

Virginia's divorce statutes call for an "equitable" distribution of marital assets and property between each party. This does not mean the courts split the property down the middle or 50/50. Rather, they try to divide the assets up in a way that is fair to each party.

The court looks at the following factors in determining how the marital property and debts should be divided:

Contributions to the marriage (both monetary and nonmonetary)
Contributions to the upkeep and maintenance of marital property
Marriage Duration
Age of the spouses
Mental and physical condition of each spouse
Grounds for the marriage
Debts and liabilities
Tax consequences
Other factors deemed necessary by the courts

It is important to note that, while the court makes the final decision, you can work with your spouse to divide the assets and debts in a manner that is fair to you both. This negotiation can be done through divorce mediation or with an experienced Virginia divorce lawyer.

Learn more about what to expect in a Virginia divorce court.

Retaining a Virginia Divorce Lawyer

If you have questions regarding equitable distribution of your marital property, it is important to contact an experienced Virginia divorce lawyer. At this vulnerable time, it's critical that you have exceptional legal representation that not only understands the specifics of your case, but is dedicated to your best interests and that of your family.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee specialize in representing Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us to set up a legal consultation of your case - (757) 425-5200.

What is Desertion?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26240 — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Desertion is leaving the marital home with the intention of not returning. There has to be an intent and usually the intent would be manifested by, for example, packing up all the personal items that the person has, or even taking half the furniture or writing a letter saying " I've had it, I'm gone. This would give you a proof of intention that they were leaving with the intent not to return.

Talking to Your Children about Your Divorce

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26238 — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

Divorces are difficult on everyone in a family, especially children. When telling your children about your decision to get a Virginia divorce, it is important to make them feel safe and loved, even though mommy and daddy no longer want to be married.

Before you and your husband speak with your children, it is important to agree on what you are going to say about the split. By establishing your story, you avoid having an argument in front of your children. It may be worth speaking with a counselor who specializes in divorce to get advice on what to say.

You should tell your children as a couple that your marriage is ending. This lets your children know that even though you are getting a divorce, they still have a family and both parents will still be active in their lives.

During the discussion with your children, it is important to be honest without divulging any details that will unnecessarily hurt your children's feelings. Give as many honest answers as you can without placing blame on your husband or making him look bad.

One of the most important things you should tell your children is that the divorce is not their fault. Often, children blame themselves for their parents' breakup. Let them know that is it an adult decision and that their behavior is not responsible for your choice to get a divorce.

Browse our library to learn more about how to talk to your family about a divorce.

Retaining a Virginia Divorce Lawyer

If you have children, and are facing divorce, it is important to speak with an experienced Virginia divorce attorney. At this vulnerable time, it's critical that you have exceptional legal representation that not only understands the specifics of your case, but is dedicated to your best interests and that of your family.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee exclusively represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us to set up a consultation of your case - (757) 425-5200.

Coping with the Realities of a Virginia Divorce

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)26237 — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 08:00:00 EST

On your wedding day, you probably never thought about what would happen if you were faced with the possibility of a divorce. Even if your Virginia divorce is amicable, coping with the end of a marriage can be difficult and can be accompanied by feelings of anger, sadness and loss.

It is important to know that even after your Virginia divorce is final, you may still feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. Feelings of numbness may give way to feelings of hostility. It is important to tackle these emotions head on rather than letting them build up. Speaking to a divorce counselor may help both you and your family cope with the storm of emotions that surround the end of a marriage.

Engaging in physical activity may help you cope with some of the emotions associated with your divorce. In addition to the physical benefits of exercise, it may alleviate tensions associated with fear, anger, and anxiety.

It is important to avoid turning to alcohol or drugs to cope with these negative emotions. Instead, consider venting your feelings to a trusted friend or family member in order to blow off steam.

Indulge yourself and do things that make you happy. Read a book, enroll in a cooking class, volunteer, or start engaging in another routine activity. Also remember to make time for your family and friends, as socializing is a big part of coping with your divorce.

Retaining a Virginia Divorce Lawyer

At this vulnerable time, it's critical that you have exceptional legal representation that not only understands the specifics of your case, but is dedicated to your best interests and that of your family.

Browse our library to learn more about how to tell your husband you want a divorce.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee exclusively represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us to set up a consultation of your case - (757) 425-5200.

Angela Shelton and her "Naked Singularity"

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25967 — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

In a stunning opening to the 7th Annual Battered Women's Custody Conference, author and movie producer Angela Shelton stunned the audience with her Naked Singularity. Knowing Angela, you may have thought she ran around with no clothes on but rather she was alluding to the scientific phenomenon Naked Singularity which she explained was when stars heading for a black hole inexplicably vary off course and avoid being consumed by the black hole.

Using Science as a backdrop to create the context of "Rebel Star Warriors", Angela motivated and entertained the broad cross section of protective moms, involved women and some men who gathered in Albany, New York for the 7th Annual Battered Women's Custody Conference: "Now that we know, What are we doing about it?". Using every strategy at her command, from love and commitment to entrepreneurship, Angela cheered on those mothers who are committed to protecting their children from their alleged abuser. Angela's naked singularity analogy was to assure battered moms that though they may appear to be headed for a black hole in Family Court, that with alignment of one's purpose with one's values, they will inexplicably vary from being consumed by the black hole of any family court Injustice .

"The Yuck Factor"-Protective Moms,Custody and "Mainstream" Media Failures

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25966 — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

Recently in a major address at the 7th Annual Battered Women's Custody conference(BMCC),Media Professor and award winning documentary producer, Garland Waller spoke passionately about the abject failure of mainstream media to properly cover Family Court Injustices where abused children are being placed in the custody of their abusers. Part of the blame for this repugnant custodial outcome can be laid squarely on the media for permitting the issue of child predators winning court sanctioned custody of their victims to remain virtually unreported reports Professor Waller. Despite the efforts of numerous national organizations, the national media continues to back away from one of the most compelling stories in American society today. Waller attributes the media's failure to report these shocking cases in part to the spinelessness of media corporate lawyers who are afraid of legal controversy where evidence is much more difficult to produce and to the "Yuck Factor"-the difficulty of entertaining the audience with the difficult and often depressing reality of child sexual molestation by family members.
Waller was upbeat in the face of the media's inattention by suggesting that part of the responsibility of her audience,( protective moms, family members and interested professionals) is to create new strategies to deal with the mainstream media. Dealing with the mainstream media is important because social media has a hard time properly explaining the depth and breadth of Protective Mother's problems. As Waller stated, " a 140 character tweet will not tell this story". Professor Waller committed herself to helping protective moms create new strategies to overcome the deficits in media coverage caused by the large corporate newsocracy.
All of us attending the BMCC are grateful for Professor Waller's intelligent advocacy not only for the victim children but also for the victim mothers. Professor Waller is courageous, relentless and provocative in confronting the national media and we are thankful for her powerful commitment.

Virginia Annulments Based on Non-Disclosure

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25961 — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

There are few things that are more devastating than putting your trust in someone who betrays that bond. This type of betrayal is particularly upsetting when it occurs inside a marriage. If you are a Virginia woman who has discovered that your husband withheld critical information before your wedding, you might be considering divorce.

Failure to disclose an important fact before the wedding could qualify your marriage for a Virginia annulment. Often, these omissions or non-disclosures are gut-wrenching betrayals from which your marriage cannot recover.

Minor transgressions or omissions would not qualify for an annulment in Virginia. For instance, if you discovered that your husband lied about the number of lovers he had before your wedding, you would not qualify for a Virginia annulment. However, if he neglected to tell you that he worked in the sex industry before you were married, you may have grounds for a Virginia annulment.

Some cases of non-disclosure that might qualify for a Virginia annulment include:

Your husband has a felony conviction, which he did not tell you about
Your husband withheld knowledge of his impotence
Your husband fathered a child with another woman within 10 months of the wedding date

To learn more about annulment processes in Virginia and whether you qualify for a Virginia annulment, read our article, How to Get an Annulment in Virginia.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us to schedule your legal consultation today - (757) 425-5200.

Virginia Annulments Due to Marital Defects

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25960 — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

If you are seeking an end to your Virginia marriage, but want to avoid a divorce, you may have questions about annulment and how to obtain an annulment in Virginia.

Annulment does exist in Virginia, but there are very strict rules about Virginia annulments and few couples qualify for the process.

Some Virginia marriages qualify for annulment because there was a defect in the marriage itself. The "defect" means that there was some type of error in the marriage process or that the couple wasn't qualified to legally marry.

Because a defect in marriage is the most straight-forward element in Virginia annulment, it is a good place to start when you are considering pursuing this process.

Listed below are some examples of what would qualify as a defect in a Virginia marriage:

The person who officiated your wedding wasn't legally qualified to do so.
There was no valid marriage license.
You or your spouse, or both of you, were too young at the time of the wedding to get legally married. (Check the laws pertaining to the state where you were married)
If there were any factors that rendered you or your spouse mentally handicapped or incapacitated at the time of your marriage.
Because bigamous marriages are not legal, a marriage is not legal if either person was already married at the time of the wedding. Say for instance, your estranged husband had another wife who he lived apart from, but never legally divorced.

Though those factors are rarely seen in a Virginia marriage, they do exist from time to time. A marriage that falls under any of the mentioned circumstances might be eligible for a Virginia annulment on the grounds of marital defect.

To learn more about annulment processes in Virginia and whether you qualify for a Virginia annulment read our article, How to Get an Annulment in Virginia.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us to schedule your legal consultation today - (757) 425-5200.

Virginia Property Settlement Agreements

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25959 — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

Virginia property settlement agreements, also know as separation agreements, are contracts that clearly spell out the rights and responsibilities of each party after the divorce.

For couples who are separating under amicable conditions, a property settlement agreement may be an ideal situation to work out the details of a Virginia divorce. In a property settlement agreement both parties must agree to ALL of the conditions, duties, and obligations listed on the final document. They only work if both parties are open to communication and compromise.

Property settlement agreements can cover:

Division of property
Spousal Support
Child custody, visitation, and child support (although the final decision is at the court's discretion)
Medical Insurance
Personal property (furniture and belongings)
Pensions, retirement, and/or 401K plans
Other issues involving martial property or assets

The wording and provisions of the property settlement agreement are final if it is approved by the Virginia courts, so it is imperative that you do not waive any rights to future support or property that may negatively affect you or leave you in debt. For this reason it is highly recommended that you work with or consult an experienced Virginia divorce lawyer to help you draft your property settlement agreement.

For more information about the basic elements of a Virginia divorce, visit our library.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us to schedule your legal consultation today - (757) 425-5200.

What is a Pedente Lite Hearing and Why Do I Need One?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25958 — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

Pedente Lite hearings are an optional part of Virginia divorce proceedings that are designed to temporarily deal with financial and custodial issues that must be addressed before the divorce is finalized.

For example; if you and your spouse have children, you'll need to decide where that child will be living, how much child support is necessary, and when the other parent will have a chance to visit with your child.

While these terms will be finalized in the divorce decree, your child still needs a place to live and time with their parents long before that final decree is reached. A Pedente Lite hearing can help to resolve your family's immediate issues until a long-term solution is reached.

Pedente Lite hearings are also useful in determining who will be living in the home you and your spouse once shared, if financial support for mortgages or other bills must be paid and the use of other martial assets. In some cases, this includes the freezing of those assets to ensure that they will be intact when the final divorce decree comes to fruition.

For more information about the basic elements of a Virginia divorce, visit our library.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us to schedule your legal consultation today - (757) 425-5200.

Waiting Periods for Virginia Divorces

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25654 — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

In Virginia, part of the process of filing for divorce is declaring on what grounds you are seeking the divorce based on the choices set forth by the courts.

In order for your Virginia divorce to get approved by the court you must choose your grounds for divorce from an approved list of options and defend those grounds in front of the Judge or Commissioner.

Each state varies slightly as to what grounds qualify for divorce. In Virginia, most of those requirements include living separately from your spouse for at least 1 year.

For many people, the idea of having to wait a year to file for divorce is a frustrating and heart-wrenching decision. While the waiting period is in place to give you and your spouse time to decide if a divorce is truly the right decision, a year can still seem like a very long time.

You can, however, use this separation to start focusing on your own independence, or seek marriage counseling with your spouse. The rules only say that you cannot be co-habitating with your spouse, not that you can't have contact with them.

There are also some exceptions to the 1-year waiting period, including a 6-month option for couples who do not have children under the age of 18 and who successfully complete a Virginia property settlement agreement.

A qualified Virginia divorce lawyer can help you determine if you have grounds for a Virginia divorce and how to begin your proceedings.

For more information on Virginia grounds for divorce, visit our article library.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee P.C. represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule your legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Choosing Your Grounds for Divorce in Virginia

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25651 — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

In order to get a legal divorce in Virginia, the complainant (the spouse who initially files for divorce), must cite the reason why they are seeking the divorce from an approved list of categories set forth by the Virginia divorce courts.

The specific grounds for your divorce will be based on your marriage's unique circumstances; however, it is important to note that you also have to prove whatever grounds for divorce you claim in front of a judge.

This is why speaking to an experienced Virginia divorce lawyer is so crucial when you are thinking about filing. A Virginia divorce attorney can help you decide on what grounds you should file for divorce as well as what you will need to back up those claims during your divorce hearing.

You may initially think filing for a Fault-Based divorce is the best choice, but after speaking to a Virginia divorce lawyer, a No-Fault divorce may be a better option. It all depends on your circumstances, which is why there aren't many general answers that apply equally to everyone.

For more information on Virginia grounds for divorce, visit our article library.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee P.C. represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule your legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Can My Husband Stop Me From Filing No-Fault Divorce in Virginia?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25649 — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

If you and your estranged husband have not seen eye-to-eye for a number of years, there is a chance that you will not be on the same page when it comes to filing for a Virginia divorce.

If you have decided that it is time to seek a divorce, and your husband is not in agreement, one of your options is to pursue a No-Fault Virginia divorce. Because a No-Fault divorce doesn't involve your having to prove marital misconduct, you avoid at least one hurdle in achieving a successful divorce.

You may still wonder: Can my husband stop me from filing no fault divorce in Virginia? The answer is; No.

Your husband cannot prevent you from seeking a No-Fault divorce in a Virginia divorce court. He may be able to slow and extend the process, but he cannot legally "force" you to stay married to him.

If your husband is opposed to the idea of a No-Fault divorce, you likely won't get him to sign a separation agreement, a legal document that shortens the "waiting period" to file for divorce in Virginia.

This won't stop the divorce, but it does increase the wait period - in which you and your spouse physically separate - from 6 months to 1 year.

Your husband will be given notice of the divorce proceedings and is entitled to voice his side, but this will not prevent you from filing for, or obtaining, a legal and binding divorce. A Virginia divorce attorney can help you to determine the particulars of your individual Virginia No-Fault divorce.

To learn more about how to file for a No-Fault divorce in Virginia and whether you qualify for a Virginia No-Fault divorce, read our article, How to Get a No-Fault Divorce in Virginia.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee P.C. represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule your legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

File For a Virginia No-Fault Divorce in Six Months

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25648 — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

No divorce will be entirely quick and painless, but for some Virginia couples, a Virginia No-Fault divorce might help to shorten the time spent going through the process.

A No-Fault divorce in Virginia does not require you or your husband to prove any sort of marital misconduct, such as infidelity or cruelty. In a Virginia No-Fault divorce, you will not be required to prepare for or attend any lengthy evidence hearings in which you and your Virginia divorce attorney fight to prove misconduct.

While filing for a No-Fault divorce does decrease the timeframe for a divorce in Virginia, it doesn't completely eliminate the wait. Many Virginia couples will find that they must spend 1 year living apart before they can file for divorce. Some Virginia couples, however, may only need a six-month separation period before filing for divorce.

If you are interested in seeking a Virginia No-Fault divorce and are hoping to file in six months, you must meet the requirements of Virginia divorce law.

Listed below are tips for being able to file for divorce in 6 months:

You and your husband cannot have children under the age of 18.
You MUST live apart continuously for 6 months.
You should make it very clear that either you or your spouse intended this separation to become permanent.
You and your husband must agree to and sign a written separation agreement.

After this 6-month separation period, you or your husband may file for a No-Fault divorce in Virginia. At this point, you will begin to deal with critical divorce issues, such as child custody, spousal support and division of marital property.

To learn more about No-Fault divorce in Virginia and whether your marriage qualifies, read our article, How to Get a No-Fault Divorce in Virginia.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee P.C. represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule your legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

What is a Virginia Collaborative Divorce?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25646 — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

Collaborative divorce has become increasingly popular in the United States. Sometimes referred to as "divorce mediation," collaborative divorce allows divorcing couples to settle matters without engaging in a lengthy divorce trial.

A collaborative divorce includes mediation, where both parties can work together to find a solution to child custody, child support, and spousal support issues. Each side, along with their Virginia divorce attorneys, works with an unbiased mediator to finalize the terms of their divorce.

You may wonder why it is necessary to have a Virginia divorce attorney when going through a collaborative divorce. Your divorce attorney can make sure your legal rights are protected and guide you through the negotiations to ensure that you get the financial and custodial support you need. A qualified Virginia divorce attorney can also prepare the necessary paperwork after a divorce agreement is reached.

There are several advantages to going through a collaborative divorce. The first is that mediation saves you time and money by keeping your case primarily out of the court system. This also helps you shield your family from a long and messy divorce trial.

Mediation is also fair to both spouses. Because the mediator is an unbiased party, he or she can help find solutions that the emotionally-clouded parties cannot see. The mediator can offer opinions, but will not force either party to come to an agreement.

Divorce mediation allows couples to put the details of their divorce in their own hands, rather than letting a judge who is not familiar with their situation make a decision for them. While mediation will not work for all couples, it is a more amicable end to a marriage than going through a long trial.

Learn more about when it is necessary to hire a Virginia divorce lawyer.

Contacting a Virginia Divorce Lawyer

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee P.C. represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule your legal consultation - (757) 425-5200..

Hiring a Virginia Divorce Lawyer

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25645 — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

In most Virginia divorce cases, it is necessary to hire an experienced Virginia divorce lawyer. A Virginia divorce lawyer can protect your interests in settling child custody, child support, and marital property matters. Knowing how to select a Virginia divorce attorney, however, can be a challenge.

It's not only important for the lawyer you choose to have experience with Virginia divorces, but they also must be familiar with the specifics of your case. If your divorce includes complicated child custody and support issues, financial, commercial, or residential assets, etc., you should choose a Virginia divorce attorney who has successfully handled these types of cases.

It is also important to discuss fees upfront with your Virginia divorce lawyer. Ask about the attorney's hourly rate and their retainer amount. If a divorce attorney will not discuss fees with you, move on to the next attorney on your list.

Another important aspect in choosing your Virginia divorce lawyer is personality. You'll be working very closely with your attorney for months, often discussing private matters that are emotionally difficult. The Virginia divorce lawyer you choose should balance legal expertise with compassion, and should always be available to discuss any concerns and questions you have about your case.

Learn more about when it is necessary to hire a Virginia divorce lawyer.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer/Ferrebee P.C. represent Virginia women who wish to file for divorce. We are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and ensuring that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life. Contact us today to schedule your legal consultation - (757) 425-5200.

Take note of Divorce Registry: Creativity to outthink and outnegotiate your husband

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)25445 — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

Wow-Talk about creative thinking. A DIVORCE REGISTRY. Yep, an English retailer has launched a divorce registry for women who upon divorce might receive gifts from family and friends. Our divorcee' can register for specific gifts to replace items presumbably lost to her husband in the division of personal property.Who would ever imagine that the time honored wedding registry would be turned on it's head.
   You might have a problem with the concept of a divorce registry, maybe it is off putting BUT.........It is very creative which brings me to the point of this blog. Thinking unlike others is often the best way to out negotiate and outthink your husband. And being with a law firm, unlike any other in Virginia, devoted exclusively to representing only women in divorce and custody matters can likewise be a huge benefit to you as you navigate the path of divorce.
   The Divorce Registry is outside the box (but inside the store) thinking. You should be doing the unexpected as well. It can benefit you mightily.

Join Hofheimer/Ferrebee Attorneys at The Battered Mothers Custody Conference in Albany NY, Jan 8th-10th 2010

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)24367 — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 08:00:00 EST

Virginia Beach Divorce and Custody lawyers from Hofheimer/Ferrebee, Kristen Hofheimer, Shannon Lemm and Charles Hofheimer along with paralegal Diane Hofheimer and Second Saturday Newport News Coordinator Taylor Lemm are all speaking at the 7th annual Battered Mother Custody Conference in Albany New York to be held January 8-10. 2010. Their subjects include "BootCamp for Battered Moms-Applying The Art of War principles" and "Evidence 101 for the Pro-Se Mom".

Of particular interest will be the comments of lawyer Shannon Lemm and her daughter Taylor Lemm. Shannon not only spent years in the legal system as a protective mother for her victim daughter Taylor; but also, Shannon became a lawyer and now works with the Virginia law firm that represented her in the multi-state litigation. Taylor, now over 18, will speak for the first time about her experience as a child in need of protection and how she viewed the court's involvement in her case.

Lawyers,psychologists,child advocates, protective moms and courageous kids from throughout the United States will be attending the conference at the Holiday Inn-Turf, 205 Wolf Rd., Albany NY. For more information and registration, go to http://www.Batteredmotherscustodyconference.org

Military Spouse's Health Care by Mary Elizabeth Davis

medavis@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)23651 — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 08:00:00 EST

As a former military dependent, I am keenly aware of the importance of military health care coverage. My mom, as many other former military spouses, is a 20/20/20 spouse. This means that my parents were married for at least twenty years, my dad was active duty for at least twenty years, and there was a twenty year overlap between the marriage and my dad's service. (Put simply, my mom was an "active duty spouse" for over twenty years.)

A 20/20/20 spouse will keep her ID card and military health care privileges, so long as she does not remarry. This is a crucial benefit for many women, particularly with the rising cost of health care.

In a recent conversation with Attorney Mark E. Sullivan, well-known in North Carolina and nationally for his expertise in military family issues, he told me that there is a provision for health care for spouses who do not meet the 20/20/20 qualification. He directed me to an article by Georgia family law attorney William John Camp entitled, "The Continuation of Health Care Benefits Program (CHCBP) As a Long-Term Health Care Option for Former Military Spouses."

As of the date of this writing, the CHCBP provides long-term health care coverage for $311 per month for those who are eligible.

See this article for more details:
http://meetings.abanet.org/webupload/commupload/FL115277/newsletterpubs/rc_sum08.pdf

Virginia Divorce Attorneys Kristen Hofheimer and Charlie Hofheimer Give Advice to Tiger Woods' Wife

khofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)22894 — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 08:00:00 EST

By Kristen D. Hofheimer and Charles R. Hofheimer

Amidst mounting evidence that golf god Tiger Woods has been hitting above par in the bedroom, Virginia Beach father/daughter legal team Charlie and Kristen Hofheimer offer the following advice to Tiger’s wife, Elin Nordegren, based on Virginia divorce laws:

Don’t sleep with Tiger! If Elin wants to pursue a claim of adultery, she cannot condone Tiger’s affair. If she has sexual relations with Tiger or resumes “marital cohabitation” with him, she has legally forgive the adultery. That is, the adultery that she knows about. If new evidence is revealed of other affairs, she hasn’t forgiven that. Only what she knew about when she went to bed with him. So no matter how many apologies Tiger issues, Elin cannot invite Tiger back into her bed if she wants to get a divorce based on adultery.

Tiger’s voice mails and text messages do not prove adultery! Even if the FBI confirms that it is Tiger’s voice on that voice mail, it doesn’t prove adultery In Virginia, you have to prove, by clear and convincing evidence, that your spouse had sexual intercourse with someone else. A voice mail asking Jaime Grubbs to remove her name from her voice mail on her phone, as panicked as that message may have been, does not meet that standard. Nor do three years of text messages asking Jaime to “send something naughty” to Tiger. So what does Elin need if she doesn’t have a photo of Tiger in the act? She needs clear and convincing proof of both the proclivity of Tiger and Jaime to engage in sex with one another and the opportunity. Proof of their stay at the MGM Grand together, in addition to text messages referring to Jaime’s naked body and promising to “wear [her] out” should do the trick. What if Tiger just admits it? That won’t do it. In Virginia, you need evidence from a source other than the admissions of the husband and/or wife to corroborate grounds for divorce.

Think before you react! As angry as Elin may be, she needs to think very carefully - better yet, consult with an attorney - before she reacts. If Elin were driven by raw emotion alone, she could destroy any legal divorce strategy before she or her attorney had a chance to make a plan. Elin could unwittingly condone the adultery. Or, in anger, Elin could confront Tiger and give him a heads up to get rid of the evidence - and it appears that is exactly what was going on when Tiger left that voice mail on Jaime’s phone. And finally, Elin needs to think and plan for the long term benefit of herself and her children. As angry as she has the right to be, she needs to think about what it means to her and her children if Tiger loses endorsements and decide her course of action after making a thought-out plan with a capable attorney.

If you want to take him back...Elin needs to protect herself with a marital agreement if she decides she Wants to forgive Tiger’s transgressions and give him another chance.

Twittering and Facebook and Your Case (by Mary Elizabeth Davis)

medavis@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)20562 — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 08:00:00 EST

It astounds me that people fail to realize how accessible private information can be on the Internet. People post private pictures on Facebook, Myspace, or other sites and fail to limit general access to them. I've seen plenty of pictures of young parents drinking and partying, oblivious to the effect these pictures would have in a custody case. Even posting cute pictures of your child might give a pedophile information about finding the child, putting your child at risk.

Prior to posting information on the internet, think to yourself:

1. Who has access to this information? Protect your photos, allowing only those you have selected to view them. If you are on Facebook, for example, you can allow only certain friends to see your family photos. You might limit those albums from casual acquaintances or business contacts.

2. What could someone do with this information? Posting pictures of your child's cheer or sport team, and the children's names, on an account like Flickr could allow a pedophile to show up at a practice and appear to know a child. "Your mom sent me to pick you up" is a lot more convincing to a child when you know her name and the name of her friends.

3. How could this information hurt me? My favorite cautionary tale is about the guy who took off work for "a family emergency" and showed up in pictures on a social-networking site dressed up as a fairy at a Halloween party. (Tinkerbell lost his job.)

4. Where will this information surprise me? No attorney wants to be surprised in court with pictures of your "just my friend" in pajamas in a cozy family photo with your kids. "No, he doesn't sleep over" just won't ring true. Similarly, information you post could make someone question your judgment and parenting skills.

My best advice if you are in a contested case, particularly a custody case? Don't post it.

Domestic Violence and Job Discrimination by Mary Elizabeth Davis

medavis@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)19672 — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 08:00:00 EST

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) has filed a suit against Cascade Foods, an Oregon nut processing company, for discriminating against a domestic violence survivor. The female employee, in her mid-30s, had secured a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend, who was also employed at Cascade Foods. Cascade Foods, even after being informed by the survivor that her ex-boyfriend had hit her, fired her for refusing to drop the restraining order against him.

One in three women will be assaulted by a boyfriend or husband during her lifetime. Almost three-quarters of employed domestic violence victims are harassed at their job by their abuser.

This case is ground-breaking. I'm so glad that the EEOC (where I interned during and shortly after law school) is taking the lead in fighting illegal discrimination against battered women. I intend to follow this case to see how the courts address this issue.

Virginia Beach Divorce Lawyer Charlie Hofheimer Challenges Mediators who think Mediation is the only way to obtain a Divorce

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)19459 — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 08:00:00 EST

I just posted the following blog which is stirring up a hornet's nest

Don't Bet on the Mediation Horse in every Race--Women often lose big in Mediation !

Posted by Charlie Hofheimer on October 3, 2009 at 2:46pm

As an attorney for 35 years, a trial attorney representing only women since 1992 through my six lawyer divorce and custody law firm, The co-founder of three interdisciplinary collaborative practice groups or organizations and a trained mediator who teaches divorce law to mediators for a large community mediation center, I have learned one thing for sure. No single method of achieving a divorce is the answer. I have seen women abused by mediation just as I have seen them abused by the court system. I have seen great mediators and lousy ones just as I have seen great trial lawyers as well as lousy ones. I have seen honest lawyers and dishonest lawyers. What I have learned is that a really good attorney measures the facts and gets to know their client before determining which course of action best serves a client.

Each case has it's own cast of characters who affect how a case should be handled. Each couple has between them a certain dynamic which may or may not lend itself to collaboration or mediation.Sometimes the extant dynamic can only be addressed by trial. There is no one methodology that is "the answer".

So the lesson is when someone has the only "way" to do something, be wary. Experienced attorneys never lose sight of the 4 ways to accomplish divorce, negotiate,mediate,collaborate and yes, even litigate. So make sure your attorney is comfortable in all four venues before you choose an attorney and a course of action.

You and Uma Thurman have much in common !

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)19444 — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 08:00:00 EST

As you and Uma Thurman wisely know, taking care of oneself is your very first priority when confronting divorce. But, knowing what to do and doing it are two entirely different facts. Like most caring moms, the childrens' activities and your hectic schedule intervene with the best of intentions regarding taking care of yourself. "Well", you say,"there is always tomorrow". And, tomorrow is always tomorrow ............

Working with women facing or confronting the hurt and pain of their marriage ending--It is clear that those who take their eye off their spouse and focus on their own healing are the women whom seem to weather stress the best. Focusing on yourself means whatever works for you: warm baths, candles,therapy, yoga,a long walk--The possibilities are endless. These precious few minutes are a respite in the chaos of being a single mom.

And your brief relaxing sojourn may well be what fortifies your nurturing soul. Your nuturance brings calm to the chaos confronting your children. Remember, as the center of your children's universe, they need you at full capacity. This means that you replenish yourself emotionally and physically.

Be like Uma, make taking care of yourself your first priority. It makes all the other priorities much easier.

Seattle child injury attorney Chris Davis sues Seattle Children's Hospital and Seattle dentist for wrongful death of 15 year old child.

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)19294 — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 08:00:00 EST

So You bring your child to the dentist ,a painkiller is prescribed after some routine dental work, and he is dead the next day. This happened to Michael Blankenship, an autistic child who was given a prescription for a fentanyl patch, which is a drug that the FDA warned is only for patients who have developed a tolerance for opium-derived painkillers. Blankenship,15, was given the maximum dosage of 100 micrograms per hour. He was found dead the morning after he received the prescription. Why was this autistic child chosen to receive this powerful drug ?

Seattle Attorney Chris Davis has filed suit against Seattle Children’s Hospital and Barbara L. Sheller, DDS for the wrongful death of Blankenship, according to a Seattle press release. Davis is a nationally recognized child injury attorney and I wish him great success in making sure no autistic child (or any other child) is dead because of a dental appointment and hospital visit.

Tags: Barbara L. Sheller DDS, Chris Davis, FDA Warning, fentanyl patch, Michael Blankenship, Seattle Children's Hospital,

Post 9/11 GI Bill -- Service Member may Transfer Benefits to Spouse and Kids by Mary Elizabeth Davis

medavis@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)18165 — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 08:00:00 EST

Service Members who served after 1 August 2009 and who are eligible for the Post 9/11 GI Bill may transfer their benefits to a spouse, a child, or any combination of spouse and children. This eligibility will greatly enhance dependents' ability to afford college and allow a service member to contribute to his or her dependent's college education. Generally, a service member must either (1) have served for six years and commit to serving four more, or (2) have served ten years, be precluded from serving four more years, and serve the maximum remaining time allowable.

Military.com quoted Deputy Under Secretary of Defense for Military Personnel Policy Bill Carr, who said, "This is as it should be in a volunteer force where families also serve.... Transferability of GI Bill benefits is the most requested initiative we receive from our Servicemembers, and we believe it will assist us in retaining highly qualified military personnel."

As a former Marine Corps "brat" myself, I can say that my education was assisted by the generous help of the Marine Corps Officers Wives' and Fleet Reserve Association scholarships. I am happy to know that countless other "brats" will be able to share in the availability of educational resources, particularly in this time of economic uncertainty and recession.

Check out the VA website for more information: http://www.gibill.va.gov

Oprah Winfrey site on children and divorce is "sadly compelling" says Virginia Beach,Virginia divorce attorney Charlie Hofheimer

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)17649 — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 08:00:00 EST

When Oprah Winfrey speaks, we all listen. And when Oprah has children speak--WOW--the message is compelling.

So, go to the link http://www.oprah.com/media/20080601_tows_111006010FEELSLIKEOCOM_O_VIDEO_1 and listen to the voices of the children of divorce. Hauntingly poignant ! Whenever children speak their truth-parents should listen.

Does this mean you cannot leave a bad marriage ? Of course not ! It means finding a way to communicate with your children that is least harmful. Usually, the help of a mental health provider like a psychologist, licensed professional counsellor or qualified social worker can do wonders in helping you and your children. But, don't wait until the last minute to seek help. If your marriage is deteriorating, get help for the marriage if you can. And if it is too late for the marriage--get your children help now.

The message Oprah Winfrey provides us is sadly compelling. We must hear the message of both Oprah and the Kids and act quickly and wisely.

Adultery-Sodomy -Bugger--Virginia Women need to know how to handle the sex grounds of Divorce -whether his or hers !

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)16823 — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 08:00:00 EST

At my seminars SEX SELLS.! Any discussion about divorce eventually moves to the local rumors (Sally sue is having an affair with Dr, Big Bucks but the word is it is a coverup because he is gay. And by the way Brad told Lolita to take a walk with all her children and blood amulets.Now,how can I catch my man so I can get him out of the house.Need that Private Investigator soon.

I.

TIME Magazine's Essay on "Why Marriage Matters" is "right on the mark" says Virginia Beach Divorce Attorney Charlie Hofheimer

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)14826 — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 08:00:00 EST

Why Marriage Matters http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1908243,00.html (The Well / Cover Story)
Buffeted by affairs and ennui, the intact, two-parent family is under assault. What America needs to get over its commitment issues. (Hint: it isn't love) TIME.com (see TIME, 7/13/2009 edition).

Essayist Caitlin Flanagan has written a compelling and accurate analysis of the hardship created when marriages end. Her quoting of the late writer Leonard Michaels could not have been more poignant . The quote " Adultery is not about sex or romance. Ultimately, it is about how little we mean to one another." How sad .

As you know, the news has been driven with stories of Infidelity. South Carolina Governor and presidential wanna be Mark Sanford emails to his Argentine lover blanketed last week's news.The week before Nevada Senator John Ensign confessed he violated his vows of marriage. Presidential Candidate John Edwards, Former New York Attorney General Mark Spitzer , and TV star Jon Gosselin of Jon and Kate plus 8 have all cheated on their wives and destroyed a part of their children's future. They have unnecessarily hobbled their children emotionally. No doubt about it.

Caitlin Flanagan has written an uncomfortable but accurate essay on the impact of adultery and single parent child rearing on children and you should read it. Grab this week's TIME and read Ms.Flanagan's essay and join the national conversation about how we overcome the epidemic of infidelity.

Your Happy Memories of the Fourth of July.

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)14801 — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 08:00:00 EST

Well, the fourth of July has arrived and today I am just going to enjoy those around me and be thankful for all that is good within them.One of the great lessons of the fourth for each of us is realizing that there are times we need to step back and appreciate the good things surrounding us. And that starts with the reality that we live in a free country and have few restrictions on our personal liberties.

Regardless of our marital situation, we are individually and ultimately in control of our destiny and for that each of us should give thanks.

Today we get to remember all the wonderful childhood experiences of fireworks, the beach, hot dogs and touch football on the sand. The grown ups were laughing, the dogs barking--controlled chaos was the rule of the day.

And best of all, I am going to share in the memories we make today with our friends, children and grandchildren. Have a wonderful FOURTH and may your memories of today be as special as You.

Dynamic Marketing Guru publishes must have Book about FaceBook .

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)14341 — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 08:00:00 EST

"Facelift" simply the best practical facebook marketing guide for service professionals.perioid...Mischelle Davis, a super high energy truly brilliant marketing guru who dedicated her early career to the microsoft's of the world has written the quitesssential penultimate guide to Facebook Simply stated,You better have a facebook page up and running next week..

Why-because of structural advantages too complicated to explain here, Facebook will continue to dominate its' niche and google will be hardpressed to rectify their inherent diadvantages to the more nimble Facebook platform. The analogy is the wall city that slowly takes all persons in because it has what the people need.

But your reason to buy "Facelift" now is to step up to becoming a 2nd tier or 3rd tier facebook user. You will truly understand the far reaching implications of Facebook while becoming a fascinating fully functioning facebook favorite after reading FACELIFT. Get the book NOW !!!

15 truths you must know to complete your successful divorce

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)13409 — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 08:00:00 EST

1. Nobody will look out for you like you will. The best attorney in the world cannot know or care as much about your outcome as you do, so partner with your attorney, set achievable goals and keep communicating.

2. Do not make your children your confidantes during your divorce – children should be allowed to remain children, no matter how you feel or what you think. Protect and love them like only a mother can.

3. Divorce is about outcome, not fault. See the big picture.

4. Custody is about CHILDREN, not fault. Use the term “co-parenting”, not “custody” or “visitation when speaking with your husband

5. The “Law” is not always fair; it is “The Law.” It’s not called the “Fairhouse.” It’s called the “Courthouse”. Your attorney will help you understand your case in this unfamiliar venue.

6. Be as thoughtful and visionary in planning your divorce as you were in planning your marriage.

7. Be observant and resourceful. Gather documents like tax returns, pension statements, bank accounts, and anything that helps document your financial situation.

8. Read the actual laws governing spousal support, child support, custody and property division (called “equitable distribution”) for yourself.

9. Take down your “myspace,” “yahoo singles” and other social networking pages. Make sure to print a copy of his internet pages or other signs of internet dalliances.

10. Get your own new e-mail account with a brand new password! Still, be careful what you send into cyberspace because most what you write can be traced.

11. Never ever, ever move out and temporarily leave your children with their dad; it is a sure way to lose physical custody. Always do and be what best serves your children.

12. Don’t move out with the children unless you have a detailed plan of action with your attorney and even then, understand that this may put you at risk of losing physical custody. Moving out should only be done after careful consultation with an attorney who fully understands your situation.

13. If you do not have children, but need spousal support, don’t leave home without a plan of action agreed to by you and your lawyer. Ask your attorney about the “ALS” rule. Virginia is a fault state and you need to understand what might put you at fault before making a move.

14. Be cognizant that the only limitation regarding the terms of a Separation Agreement is the creativity
of its author.

15. Your Separation Agreement is your Constitution, your Bill of Rights and your Declaration of Independence all written up in one document. Make sure an experienced divorce attorney reviews it on your behalf BEFORE You sign it.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 Important Truths for Women confronting Divorce (15 more to follow)

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)13408 — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 08:00:00 EST

As we get started, I want to share ten of 25 basic truths about divorce that I have learned while helping women get divorced. The remaining 15 will be discussed in my next blog on 6/16/09.

1. Look out for yourself first! If you’re okay, your kids will be okay. Just like on the airplane, you need to give yourself oxygen so you will be able to give it to them.

2. Never ever ever let him know you fear going to court.Embrace the court, it can be your best friend.
Embrace the court; it can be your best friend.

3. Turn his voice off in your head. He is no longer the authoritative figure in your life: you are.

4. Don’t be predictable. In fact, do the unexpected; it throws him off balance. He will see he is dealing with someone new - a stronger, more focused, more autonomous you.

5. Don’t sign anything!! (Unless your attorney says it’s okay and you understand the ramifications).

6. When you negotiate, listen! Then take time to discuss with your “Board of Advisors.” Listening is the key. Know what you are confronting. Listen to the nuances and underlying agenda.

7. When in doubt, do nothing. Then talk to a divorce professional (mental health provider, divorce financial professional or divorce lawyer).

8. When he says “Trust Me” - DON’T!!!

9. Fear - “False Expectation Appearing Real”. Write out your worst case scenario and then write out how you will overcome it. Then the F.E.A.R. evaporates.

10. CHOOSE Wisely. You can CHOOSE to be the victim or you can CHOOSE to move on with your life. No one, and I mean no one, can make that choice for you.

Divorce Teams active in Virginia Beach Va according to Virginia Divorce Attorney, Charlie Hofheimer

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)13328 — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 08:00:00 EST

Who is on your divorce team and why are they there? "Team"? "Who said anything about a divorce team"? you ask.

Yep, You have a divorce team whether you like it or not. The real question is whether they are helping you or hurting you. No question they think they are helping you and you probably think so too. After all, your mom would do nothing to hurt you and neither would your best two friend's in the whole world, Suzy Q and Sissy. But Mom, Suzy Q and Sissy are not experts about divorce or custody and Sissy and Suzy Q will protect your actions, sometimes even when you are wrong. So, while your team may be very loyal and very caring--They may be steering you or supporting you in the wrong way.

Let's see what a divorce team looks like. Most smart women have as part of their divorce team a therapist, a financial planner and an attorney. The Therapist is not because you are going crazy (though you feel as if you might). The therapist is to acknowlege what are regular healthy reactions to divorce and what may constitute unhealthy responses. Unhealthy does not imply a judgement that you are doing something wrong, it is acknowledging a suffering that needs to be addressed. Your therapist may also be a key partner in helping you learn the language of how to express thoughts in a way to achieve positive responses or actions.Your therapist is always an outlet when the pressure or stress rises to an intolerable level.

Your financial planner serves two roles. One is to help you work on the now so you can properly address current needs . Often your financial person is helping you develop strategies to develop a positive cash flow. The second role of your planner is to help you lay out your future taking into account present assets and future goals. You have to know where you want to go into order to plan the trip to get there. Lastly your financial person can help you with mortgages, refinance, taxes, financing a car, all the tasks that arise as life moves on.

Your attorney has an obvious role to help you complete the legal process of your divorce. There is another role they should play. Really good divorce attorneys will help you with the long term planning as to your lif'e's direction. Teaching clients how to turn this time of transition into a reinvention of one's self so that you can pursue a life's passion is the hallmark of a great member of your team. Divorce teams--You gotta have one--and make it a great team for you !

Virginia Beach Divorce Attorney explains Affirmative Defenses-Condonation, Insanity, Collusion, Recrimination and Connivance

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)13024 — Sat, 30 May 2009 08:00:00 EST

In our monthly divorce seminars "What Every Women Needs to Kow about Divorce" and in my book "What Every Virginia Woman Should Know about Divorce" Women learn not only the grounds for divorce: adultery, sodomy,buggery, desertion, constructive desertion, cruelty, felony conviction and no fault, but also they learn about affirmative defenses.
Affirmative Defenses are defenses argued to prevent a divorce from occuring or to allow a divorce but not on the facts and allegations presented by the other spouse. Affirmative defenses should be pled in an answer to a divorce pleading.

The five affirmative defenses are:

1.Condonation: when the aggrieved spouse resumes cohabitation after learning of conduct constituting grounds for divorce. A good example would be that you find out that your spouse has committed adultery and you sleep with him after you are aware of his adulterous behavior. You have legally condoned his unfaithful conduct and cannot later allege his prior adultery as a reason for your divorce. If he resumes the affair after you slept with him and you can prove the resumption, then you can pursue the divorce on adultery grounds.

2. Insanity: When the party at fault is insane. In order to be at fault, your husband has to have the mental capacity to understand his actions.

3. Collusion: when the parties make up a false ground for divorce in order to obtain a quicker divorce. With No-Fault divorces you seldom see collusion anymore.

4. Recrimination: when one of the parties commits adultery and the other spouse also has an affair to show the first offending spouse that she can have a paramour as well. In such a case, the court will grant neither of the parties a divorce on the grounds of adultery.

5. Connivance: when one spouse agrees to the marital fault of the other and then alleges the fault as grounds to obtain a divorce. For instance, a wife cannot set up her husband with a prostitute and then file divorce on the ground of adultery because her husband slept with the prostitute. Another example would be to ask your husband to leave the marital home and then claim his desertion of the marriage.

Affirmative Defenses are fairly rare in Virginia Divorces, but being aware of the defenses may be important in your case; and your case is the one that matters !

Virginia Beach Divorce Lawyer explains that a successful divorce is about "Mindset"

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)12798 — Wed, 27 May 2009 08:00:00 EST

Divorce/Custody "Mindset"--You have probably never heard the term. Yet, your "mindset" will often determine the results you achieve in your divorce or custody case. "Mindset" is conditioning your mind and thoughts to achieve positive outcomes. In short "What the mind can conceive, the heart can believe, you can achieve !" This is not pollyanna thinking. This is tough, disciplined, focused work that requires most folks to read a new genre of books, listen to positive motivated speakers and work on goal setting with a five year horizon.

Once you understand the basics of a custody or a divorce case , The project that next needs to be undertaken is working on your "mindset." ! By immersing yourself in the change of "mindset" process, you are beginning to take your eyes off your spouse and focusing your vision on yourself. This is both healthy and necessary. As long as your spouse dominates your mind, your vision is blurred and negative thoughts prevail. Once your thoughts and actions focus on what you can do to change your circumstance, then the reinvention of self commences. Your vision becomes clearer and more positive thoughts prevail.

Keeping a "mindset" positive is greatly enhanced when a goal setting process in integrated into your divorce.Goal setting begins with creating a vision of where you would like to be in 5, 10 or 15 years. It is getting past the now! You are trying to unleash your dormant creative talents to find a passion that will awaken creative thoughts and energize your soul.Your vision drives your results. As your vision becomes clearer, a plan of action is devised to not only successfully navigate your divorce but also to navigate your future. Soon, your spouse ceases to to dominate your daily life as the more important steps towards your own future are undertaken. In time, as your belief in your vision takes hold of you, the outcome you desire becomes real.

And it all started with changing your "Mindset" -- One of the little known secrets to a successful divorce and life transition.

Virginia Beach Divorce Lawyer

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)12328 — Fri, 22 May 2009 08:00:00 EST

The Womens Custody Survival Handbook

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)11202 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

Kristen Hofheimer's new book is currently being printed at the publisher. Be sure to check back soon for more information on how to get your copy. Take a sneak peak at the contents here: http://www.virginiadivorceattorney.com/library/Pages_from_womens_custody_book.pdf

Be Your Best Advocate - Tip 10 of 10

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)11201 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

10. Be patient - Divorce and Custody battles take time.

Be Your Best Advocate - Tip 9 of 10

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)11200 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

9.Don’t post a picture of yourself in a black teddy on My Space or Face Book- or any social networking sight - because you can bet a Judge will see it!

Be Your Best Advocate - Tip 8 of 10

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)11199 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

8. Be careful what you put in writing, unless you are comfortable with it being admitted as Exhibit A.

Be Your Best Advocate - Tip 7 of 10

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)11198 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

7. Don’t do or say anything which you would not want a Judge or Guardian Ad Litem to see or hear- EVER.

Be Your Best Advocate - Tip 6 of 10

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)11197 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

6. Focus your energy on bettering yourself. Empower yourself by participating in activities that make you strong physically and emotionally: exercise, eat right, read, enjoy your children, attend therapy, anything that you enjoy which brings you peace and relaxation- so long as it won’t come back to haunt you in court!. A better you is a better client.

Be Your Best Advocate - Tip 5 of 10

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)11196 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

5. Do your own homework- locate witnesses, documents, and information to save yourself money and to save your attorney time so that he or she can focus on preparing your case for trial.

Be Your Best Advocate - Tip 4 of 10

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)11195 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

4. Keep venting to a minimum- use your therapist and your insurance plan and not your attorney. Your attorney will advocate best for you if you are concise, specific and to the point regarding legal issues.

Be Your Best Advocate - Tip 3 of 10

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)11194 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

3. When you provide information and documents to your attorney, make sure that they are organized and legible.

Be Your Best Advocate - Tip 2 of 10

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)11193 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

2. Provide your attorney with relevant events and information in the form of a summary of your marriage and/or custody issues. Try bullet points without a lot of emotional commentary so that your attorney does not have to weed through the summary to find the pertinent information he or she needs to aid in your representation.

Be Your Best Advocate - Tip 1 of 10

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)11192 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

1. Be prepared to meet with your attorney by having a list of questions that you would like answered.

Be Your Best Advocate

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)11191 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

You may have a outstanding attorney, a highly qualified therapist and a great support system, but nobody can advocate for you like you do. If you have a good and trusting relationship with your attorney, heed his or her advice on what to do, how to look, what to say, and, probably most importantly, what not to say.
You must advocate for yourself. You cannot simply hand over your eroding marital relationship to your attorney and expect him or her to rewind time back to the beginning and recreate your life. It probably took you a few years to get into the situation that you are currently in. Likewise, its is going to take your attorney some time to work you out of it. Prepare yourself and work along side your attorney, to fight the battle to your freedom.

Be sure to check back daily for specific tips that will be posted frequently.

Best Interest of the Minor Child (By Mary Elizabeth Davis)

medavis@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)10691 — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 08:00:00 EST

Parents will need to develop a plan for how to share a child after a relationship ends or after a divorce. Most of the time, parents are able to decide how best to share time between the parents, and court intervention is not necessary. (An order may be entered by the court in these cases, but it is a consent order with terms decided by the parents.)

Parents need to understand the difference between physical custody (the schedule of how the child shares time with each parent) and legal custody (decision-making authority). Joint legal custody is the norm in Virginia. Parents must make important medical, religious and educational decisions together. Some cases where joint custody might not be appropriate would be where there has been physical or sexual abuse, where the parent has an ongoing substance abuse problem, or where a parent has very debilitating mental health problems.

With regard to physical custody, most commonly, courts will decide that one parent will be the primary custodial parent and the other parent will be the visiting parent. Judges attempt to find a schedule to ensure that the child will get to spend significant time with each parent and that the child's relationship with each parent will be encouraged. Unfortunately, judges may not know all of a family's particular preferences, for holidays and other traditions, and orders are not as specifically tailored as when the parties themselves make these important decisions.

Judges look at a host of factors in determining the proper placement for child custody. The formal factors are:

1. The age and physical and mental condition of the child, giving due consideration to the child's changing developmental needs;

2. The age and physical and mental condition of each parent;

3. The relationship existing between each parent and each child, giving due consideration to the positive involvement with the child's life, the ability to accurately assess and meet the emotional, intellectual and physical needs of the child;

4. The needs of the child, giving due consideration to other important relationships of the child, including but not limited to siblings, peers and extended family members;

5. The role that each parent has played and will play in the future, in the upbringing and care of the child;

6. The propensity of each parent to actively support the child's contact and relationship with the other parent, including whether a parent has unreasonably denied the other parent access to or visitation with the child;

7. The relative willingness and demonstrated ability of each parent to maintain a close and continuing relationship with the child, and the ability of each parent to cooperate in and resolve disputes regarding matters affecting the child;

8. The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of reasonable intelligence, understanding, age and experience to express such a preference;

9. Any history of family abuse as that term is defined in § 16.1-228. If the court finds such a history, the court may disregard the factors in subdivision 6; and

10. Such other factors as the court deems necessary and proper to the determination.

Essentially, judges are looking to find the history of who has taken care of the child and how well each has cared for the child, how the child has bonded with each parent, whether other siblings are involved, which parent will be better able to care for the child, which parent has the better plan to care for the child, and which parent will be best able to support the child's relationship with the other parent.

Anything which might make a neighbor disapprove of your parenting will have an impact on the judge! Think of how you dress, speak, and carry yourself while in the courthouse, and while in the world. Think of how you treat your child and what impact your parenting will have on the judge. If there are things in your past which are negative, deal with them before court. If you have a substance abuse problem, seek treatment. If you have a poor job history, seek job stability. If you have moved seventeen times in the last six months, seek some permanency prior to filing for custody. Be the best parent you can be, not only to look good in court, but to help your child seek her brightest future.

Support me in the lifestyle to which I've become accustomed! (Jeffrey D. Tarkington)

jtarkington@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)10465 — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 08:00:00 EST

Does he REALLY have to support you in the "manner to which you've become accustomed?" In Virginia, the Courts are instructed to consider 12 specific (and one catch-all) factors in awarding spousal support, including "The standard of living established during the marriage." The other factors are 1. the needs, obligations and financial resources of both parties, 2. standard of living, 3. duration of the marriage, 4. age, physical and mental health of the parties, including any special needs, 5. whether age, physical or mental health of a child of the parties requires that one parent not work outside the home, 6. each party's contributions, monetary and non-monetary, to the well being of the family, 7. the property interests of the parties, 8. the distribution of marital assets and debts in the divorce, 9. the earning capacity of the parties & the jobs available in the community, 10. opportunity, time and costs for a party to obtain new skills to earn more, 11. decisions made during marriage regarding employment, parenting, education etc., and the effects of same on present and future earning ability, and 12. whether either party has contributed to the education, training, career or profession of the other.

Fault (yours) may be an absolute bar to spousal support, or (his) an enhancement factor. In my practice, the "standard of living" factor only comes into play when there is surplus income to the payor spouse, and then only for a long term (20+ yrs) marriage.

Absent some special circumstance, do not count on spousal support as your primary income source!

Why Can't My Witness Just Write a Letter (By Mary Elizabeth Davis)

medavis@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)10437 — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 08:00:00 EST

So many times, my clients want witnesses to just be able to write a letter rather than appear in court. Unfortunately, this is not a college application, and your witnesses need to be in court. You aren't asking for a reference, you're asking for someone to come to be a witness in your case.

Anyone can sound articulate in a letter which has been spell-checked and edited. The "witness" may not have written the letter, and may even have signed something written by a party himself or herself.

A judge wants to see your witnesses' demeanor. He or she wants to see whether the person can answer a question directly or will wander around the topic without truly answering. He or she wants to see how truthful your witness is.

Opposing counsel wants to be able to test the statements made in the letter. Opposing counsel has the right to do so. The hearsay doctrine makes letters not admissible. Lawyers in a case might agree to allow in some hearsay letters, but most want the right to ask follow-up questions of any witness.

The judge and opposing counsel are going to want to know how much this witness has had the opportunity to observe. I have had several custody cases lately where the father has brought neighbors in to testify about his parenting. On cross-examination, I discover the neighbor has never been in the father's home and has had truly limited opportunity to observe the opposing parent with the children. Had the information been submitted by letter, it could have seemed more impressive. On cross-examination, however, I can make the point that the neighbor really has very little insight into the father's parenting.

It is difficult to coordinate witnesses for a trial, and you are often asking them to take time from their work and families. Don't be shy. It is crucial for your case.

Educate. Empower. Advocate. Working with Domestic Violence Survivors (By Mary Elizabeth Davis)

medavis@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)9664 — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 08:00:00 EST

I have spent most of my legal career working with battered women. I find great joy in watching them evolve from Domestic Violence Victims to Domestic Violence Survivors. The lessons I have learned from my clients about strength and grace continue to shape me both professionally and personally.

My approach to clients has greatly been shaped by the strategies of the Battered Women's Movement. I have a three-part philosophy for client service: Education, Empowerment, and Advocacy. I work with my clients to achieve results, rather than doing work for them.

Education is important. So many attorneys will tell clients what to do, without informing them of all the parameters or giving them options. That type of attorney does not help clients make an informed choice, rather the attorney makes the choice for the client after receiving information from the client. I provide my client with all the available options and lay out the pros and cons of each possible action. Together with my client, I then develop a strategy. We make the decisions together from the appropriate choices available. Clients have the right to be educated consumers, and they have the right to understand each step of the process.

Similarly, I act to empower my clients. So many times an abuser has taken away my client's choices. By working with her, rather than just for her, I am giving her back her power. Of course, I won't participate in a wrong or unethical choice. By making the client aware of her choices, and helping her to choose what her goals are, she learns that her input is valuable and trusted.

I advocate for my clients. I find the cases and the statutes which support their position. I help them to tell their story. I am their cheerleader to encourage them to grow and find closure during the difficult transition of divorce.

A consultation with a survivor earlier this week has me thinking of my philosophy. She wants to completely walk away from the financial bounty she and her abuser have acquired together, in order to find safety and freedom. I provided her with objective counsel about what the law would likely provide for her. I told her that the choices are hers, but that she should strongly consider whether walking away from these resources is in her best interest. I told her that often abusers continue to use the court system after divorce in order to maintain power and control, and that she would be leaving him the financial wherewithal to keep her in court if she did not pursue spousal support or a fair share of the assets. When she makes up her mind about which goals she wishes to pursue, and which ones she finds less important, I will help her to reach those goals. It's her family. It's her life. As long as she is making an informed decision about what she wishes to do, she gets to set her goals and the path for her future.

Virginia Women inadverdently sign away million$ to their Husbands !

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)9143 — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 08:00:00 EST

A cardinal rule is do not sign anything unless your attorney tells you it’s okay . You do not want to sign any document until you understand the ramifications of what you’re signing. There are few occasions sadder for a divorce attorney than when a woman comes in and starts talking with you and, all of a sudden, she says, "Oh, I signed an agreement. My husband told me it was just a temporary agreement so I really don’t have to worry about it, do I ?". My heart sinks because I realize that we are going to have to explain a problem she is not anticipating.. She has been hoodwinked, and unfortunately in Virginia, it is very difficult to overturn signed agreements, particularly if she’s initialed each page and signed the last page before a notary.
Should I sign tax returns? If your husband works for a big company and you work for a big company and all you have are W-2 forms and standard deductions, I wouldn’t be too worried about signing a tax return, but if your husband owns a business or there are a number of stock transactions or real estate transactions, absolutely do not sign a tax return or any document without going first to a trusted advisor.
Should I negotiate with my husband ? My answer is a qualified yes. If he is trying to negotiate with you, listen to what he is saying or suggesting. Do not be so quick to tell him what you want . By keeping him a little off balance rather than telling him everything you want gives you wiggle room in the future. As you talk things through you will be able to determine whether he is trying to play a power game, fishing for information or is serious about resolving matters. During this time or before, you should be sitting down with a divorce professional to determine what constitutes a reasonable settlement. The ultimate "reasonable" settlement is one where both of you agree on the outcome. DO NOT SELL YOURSELF SHORT FINANCIALLY FOR CUSTODY OF THE CHILDREN ! This will come back to haunt you in the future.
Virginia women have signed away millions if not hundreds of millions of dollars of marital funds by not seeking help and understanding their entitlements before they sign a separation agreement. You have plenty of time to arm yourself with useful information by ordering "What Every Virginia Woman Should Know about Divorce" or attending the seminar " What Every Woman Needs to Know about Divorce".

Divorce Declutter -- Peter Walsh on Oprah XMRadio hosts Stacy Kaiser and Jean Chatzky (By Mary Elizabeth Davis)

medavis@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)8942 — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 08:00:00 EST

Peter Walsh's radio show on Oprah and Friends was about clutter and divorce this weekend. He gave great tips on how to declutter and to focus on your future as you move forward through the transition of divorce. Guest Stacy Kaiser spoke of the four F's as you shape your post-divorce life: Friends, Finances, Feelings, and Future.

Friends -- Develop your network of good friends to help support you emotionally. Know who you can rely on to be there for you.

Finances -- Make decisions about which assets to keep from a non-emotional place. The family home may be too expensive for you to maintain; you might be better off selling the home and taking a larger share of retirement assets.

Feelings -- Focus on how you are feeling. Get help from a counselor or therapist to help you get through this difficult time.

Future -- Use the divorce to focus on how you want your life to be. (As Oprah says, live your best life.)

Peter Walsh added a fifth F, for Fun. I agree. It's important to have good self-care and some enjoyment.

Guest Jean Chatzky spoke about the financial aspects of divorce. One of her main points is that women must strive to have assets in their own names. She stated how important it is to get legal advice prior to making decisions. Ms. Chatzky also gave a strong recommendation for collaborative law as a way for the parties to reach resolutions without "banging heads."

You can listen to a clip from the radio show here:
http://www.oprah.com/oprahradio/Divorce-Declutter-Audio

Divorce Newsletter Launched by Women Only Law Firm in Virginia Beach, Virginia

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)8732 — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 08:00:00 EST

The Largest law firm in America representing women only in divorce and custody announces the launch of the first edition of their firm newsletter. BRIEF WINS ! Included in the newletter are a variety of articles by the firm lawyers discussing issues like "who gets the family pet?", "How do you live separate and apart in the same house "and "Getting big companies to help send your children to college.

Also included in BRIEF WINS ! is news about Hofheimer/Ferrebee's co-founder Jack Ferrebee and how his urge to help others is sending him to some of the world's most needy countries. Joining Jack is his equally capable wife "Green Thumb" Boone Ferrebee who has never met a plant, shrub or tree that she didn't love and know how to nurture. Boone's talents are sorely needed in agriculturally deprived nations.

BRIEF WINS ! reports that Shannon Lemm, a divorce and custody lawyer, will be responsible for developing the Peninsula presence of Hofheimer/Ferrebee as the firm's unique brand and quality of service expands beyond the "Tidewater" markets of Norfolk, Virginia Beach and Chesapeake, Virginia to now include the Peninsula markets of Hampton, Newport News, Yorktown and Williamsburg, Virginia.

Hofheimer/Ferrebee, as reported in BRIEF WINS ! has expanded its' seminar "What every Woman Needs To Know About Divorce" to four presentations in three cities, Virginia Beach, Chesapeake and Newport News.The Three hour seminars are held the Second Saturday of each month at 8:30 am . Presenters include Hofheimer/Ferrebee attorneys and local mental health providers. (see www.monthlydivorceseminars.com)

Two new books about Divorce and Custody have been written by Hofheimer/Ferrebee attorneys. Charlie Hofheimer has written "What Every Virginia Women Should Know about Divorce" and his law partner and daughter, Kristen Hofheimer has written "The Woman's Custody Survival Guide" due back from the printer this week. Charlie's book is available free at www.virginiadivorcebook.com or it can be purchased on www.Amazon.com .

"Divorcing women should look out for themselves First, Then the Kids !!! " says Virginia Divorce Attorney

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)8488 — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 08:00:00 EST

My number one cardinal rule (there are 24 more) for women going through divorce is that you must look out for yourself first. That's right, Not the children first but YOU first. Most attorneys will tell you and many judges will pontificate about always putting the children first. They live in the ideal, not the real world. I simply do not believe that your children's needs come first ! Your needs must be met first so that you can really be there for your kids.

The best analogy is the steward on an airplane telling you that if the oxygen masks drop , put yours on first so you can help your children. Likewise, in Divorce, if you don't take care of your health and maintain an emotional equilibrium , it will be hard fot you to be there for you children.

Years ago I took on a client, post divorce, who had given up almost everything so she could have custody of her children. The children were then 2 and 4. Her husband was making about $30,000. and she was making $15,000. Her husband threatened her about seeking custody if she did not capitulate to his demands. She capitulated and basically gave up her share of his pension and took a smaller share of the marital home when it sold. She also agreed to no spousal support and modest child support. Over the next 10 years she never once went back to court for increased child support even though she knew her husband was now making a six figure income. My client continued working as a waitress.

When their son turned 14, he wanted to live with his dad who had promised him a 4 wheeler. His dad had remarried and his new wife had two children the same ages as my client's. And Dad's home had a swimming pool. Because Mom wanted her son to know his dad better, she reluctantly consented to his moving in with his father. This meant mom's child support would change.(In her unusual case it would actually have increased) Rather than receive more child support, mom agreed to continue receiving the same amount of support as she had been receiving.

During all this time, their daughter was going to work everyday with the mother and sitting in one of the booths for the duration of each afternoon completing her homework. Dad seized on this fact to then go after custody of the daughter claiming the restaurant was not an appropriate after school program for the daughter. The Guardian Ad Litem (child's attorney) agreed.

But for an insightful judge who questioned why the father, who knew about the after school situation for years, waited so long to press his "concern", Mother would have lost custody of her youngest child.

The moral of the story is that to keep custody, you can give up too much at the beginning of your divorce case and that can cause you to lose custody later. You must look out for yourself first now so that you can provide for your children in the future.

How to Divorce and not wreck the Kids was subject of same name documentary last night !

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)7991 — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 08:00:00 EST

Three Canadians got divorced last night on television in a one hour documentary (see clips at http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/doczone/ ) The reason for their ever so public divorce ? They wanted to show us that they could separate without destroying their kids.

An astonishing statistic : Only 5% of couples actually sit down and discuss with their children their separation and what it means to their children. Even seasoned divorce and custody lawyers like me are surprised from time to time and the five percent number blew me away. I am told the 5% number is as true in Virginia as it is in Canada.

Knowing you would be in the 5% that sits down with your children, Tell your divorcing friends to do the same. Their children deserve to know about their future.

Separating? Getting divorced? Review your estate plan!

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)7803 — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 08:00:00 EST

Most people become extremely overwhelmed with all the details involving their divorce. What will the parenting schedule be? How much support will I receive? What will happen to the house?

One important area many people overlook is reviewing their estate plan. Review life insurance policies and other asset beneficiary designations (IRAs, 401ks). If your soon-to-be ex-spouse is a beneficiary, talk to your lawyer about making changes. While you may want to name your children as beneficiaries, be careful if your children are under 18. Leaving assets (life insurance, IRAs, 401ks) to minor children will require the court to name a conservator on their behalf. Talk to a lawyer about avoiding this problem.

Review your will. Most of the time, wills are written and executed, placed in a file cabinet or drawer and never thought about again. A good rule of thumb is to review your will every three years. If you are separating from your spouse or getting divorced, it’s critical to review your will immediately. Don’t make your children or extended family have to deal with estate planning documents that are outdated or leave your assets solely to your estranged spouse. It is much easier to take care of your estate planning today than it will be for your children or extended family after you pass if you don’t.

Foregoing Divorce in a Recessionary Economy ? Good Move or Bad Move for Women?

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)7615 — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 08:00:00 EST

They say that foregoing divorce in a recessionary economy is the right thing to do, but following that advice could be the biggest mistake you as a woman make both financially and custodially. It is your individual situation that requires analysis, not what "they" say or predict. Thus if you are considering or confronting divorce but are concerned about the timing, a Divorce Protection Plan meeting with an experienced divorce lawyer should be on your high priority list.

What is a Divorce Protection Plan ? I liken it to "divorce insurance" because a divorce protection plans helps you to determine whether your opportunity costs favor your remaining in a loveless relationship because of custody or money issues or whether it favors ending your marriage now because the custodial or financial costs to you could be much harsher in the future.

You are correct in acknowledgeing that housing prices have fallen dramatically and the stock market has plunged thus reducing the value of your marital assets .But, there are still many potential bumps ahead which could turn your particular situation from bad to worse.Therefore, you may need to take drastic action now. Or, It may be that you are unfortunately tied to circumstances that must first unfold in order to achieve your desired result.

A Divorce Protection Plan(DPP) is much more than pure assessment of your present circumstances.A thoughtful DPP will help put in place a plan (whether to save your marriage or end it) and provide strategic and tactical decision making to prevent you from making mistakes frequently made in a marriage gone sour. You certainly do not want to improve your spouse's chances of winning custody or obtaining a greater portion of the marital assets by waiting out the recession.

So,as the foundations of our economy shift, you want to make sure that you really understand the factual and legal ramifications of continuing to live with your spouse in this recession.

New Collaborative Divorce Website Launched

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)7507 — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 08:00:00 EST

Be sure to visit our new website:
www.CollaborativeDivorceLaw.com

Starting in 1990, Stu Webb and a group of professionals in Minnesota decided that families were so harmed by divorce litigation, they created a new process where families would have minimum contact with the court. Today, with the help of legal, financial and mental health professionals, families now have the option of inteligently working through their divorce peacefully. The advantage of collaboration over all other forms of divorce is the ability of each spouse to have professional guidance as the negotiation process is occuring and each spouse knowing that the process is fully transparent. There are no secrets or hidden agendas.

To learn more about collaborative divorce visit:
www.VirginiaCollaborativeDivorceAttorney.com

Oprah Magazine's Suze Orman Recommends Collaborative Divorce (By Mary Elizabeth Davis)

medavis@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)5498 — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 08:00:00 EST

Suze Orman's October advice column in Oprah magazine touches on the costs of divorce for couples. Orman recommended collaboration (or collaborative divorce) as a way for couples to "divorce with dignity." Collaborative divorce allows for parties to create their own solutions regarding spousal support, division of property, child custody and other issues facing couples as they separate. The parties explore what each person envisions as his or her post-divorce life and consider different possible solutions with their attorneys (and sometimes other professionals such as financial planners and mental health professionals). The group works together dynamically to assist the family members reach individual and family goals.

Rather than having individuals getting locked into positions, everyone agrees to consider what each person's interests are. Simply put, rather than saying, "I have to have the Volvo (positional negotiation)," a person would say, "I need safe transportation for me and the children (interest-based negotiation)."

Collaboration is often exemplified by a fictional argument between a brother and sister over the last remaining orange in the fruit bowl. Each asks the parent for it, simply saying he or she wants the orange (positional negotiation). A simplistic approach would be to either split the orange or to flip a coin. A collaborative approach would ask each child why each wants the orange. If we find that one needs the rind to make a cake, and the other wants to eat the orange, each child can have his or her interests met by a creative division of the orange. Simplistic, positional thinking would not allow for either child to have his or her interests met. Interest based negotiation allows for each to be satisfied.

Ask your attorney about collaborative divorce as an alternative to contested litigation. You can also learn more about collaboration at www.collaborativedivorce.com.

Funding College Education -- How Upromise Can Help (By Mary Elizabeth Davis)

medavis@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)5287 — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 08:00:00 EST

Many parents are faced with the challenge of sending their children to college while in the middle of a divorce. In Virginia, neither parent can be financially required by the courts to pay for college unless college costs were agreed upon in a separation agreement or other document. This frustrates many parents, who feel that they are "going it alone" in supporting their children through college.

Upromise is a free service that can help. It can fund a 529 account for a student or for yourself. It can even repay student loans for select lenders.

Register for Upromise at www.upromise.com, and register each of your credit card and debit cards. When you make purchases at participating retailers, online merchants or restaurants, a percentage of your transaction will be placed into your account. Upromise partners also include mortgage companies, auto finance companies, phone companies, and other service providers. Your account balance will be transferred quarterly into the 529 account or transferred to pay an existing student loan.

Bank of America has a Upromise credit card. A 1% rebate for all purchases you make is placed into your Upromise account. You do not have to have the Upromise credit card to participate in Upromise, though. (Bank of America is assuming the Upromise credit card program as of March 2009. It was formerly run by Citibank.)

The Upromise service is free and it provides rebates on purchases you would otherwise be making. Friends and family may also be invited to help save for your college student by linking their credit and debit card purchases to your Upromise account.

Alec Baldwin uses excuse of scientifically discredited Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) on 20/20 interview with Diane Sawyer

khofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)4745 — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 08:00:00 EST

On Friday, September 19, 2008, Alec Baldwin appeared on a 20/20 interview with Diane Sawyer to promote his book. Blaming his outrageous voice mail message to his daughter and his multi-million dollar divorce litigation on the scientifically discredited theory of "Parental Alienation Syndrome," Baldwin attempted to portray himself as a victim of former wife Kim Basinger, and as a victim of his daughter. Interviewer Diane Sawyer did not fall for Baldwin's self-portrayal as a victim, and asked Baldwin difficult questions, to which he attempted to object off-camera. Sawyer turned the camera
s back on and confronted Baldwin about his off-camera accusations that Sawyer was being biased against him. Both Baldwin and Sawyer alluded to Baldwin storming off several times during the interview. Baldwin was visibly agitated and sweating during the interview, and did not have a good answer for Sawyer's question to him about the impact on his daughter of Baldwin's book, and his vilification of Basinger in the book. Professor Joan Meier did an excellent job addressing the fact that Parental Alienation Syndrome is not accepted as a valid syndrome within the scientific community.

Fighting over Fluffy - Custody of pets

rsadler@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)4666 — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 08:00:00 EST

You and your husband have agreed on the parenting plan, support and how to divide the assets and liabilities - things are going well. Then, you realize one very important topic has not been addressed - who gets custody of the family pet. This is a hot topic and occurs more frequently than most people would expect. Even the Today show is talking about it.

In Virginia, the loyal family pet is not treated like a child. There are no custody or visitation statutes that provide a framework for this problem. The Court classifies our beloved pets as property just like a couch or kitchen table. The law permits the Court to award one party sole ownership of Fluffy or order that Fluffy be sold. While the Court can not order shared custody of Fluffy, here are two things you can do. First, try mediation. With the help of a trained mediator, parties can design a shared custody plan for the family pet. Second, make sure the ownership and licensing documents are in your name only. If you and your husband can't reach an agreement, having Fluffy titled in your name only can boslter your position before the Court that you should receive Fluffy as your sole property.

Why this season's most fashionable accessory is a divorce lawyer

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)4477 — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 08:00:00 EST

According To Vogue magazine, divorce lawyers have become the 13th most useful fashionable accessory to the fashionable elite. Recognizing the complexity of current divorces due to the credit crunch , the best and brightest women are making sure they are arm in arm with their divorce settlement negotiator.
As in Yorkshire England, I am finding there is a September uptick of affluent women meeting with me to determine what protections they can initiate to preserve their share of the family wealth. Particulary vulnerable are those women who are watching their wealth melt away both in the still falling real estate market and the ever lowering stock market. I am using our Divorce Protection Plan to educate and assist women in protecting their wealth. "Team divorce protection planning" involves utilizing the talents of financial planners,therapists, business valuators,trust and estate attorneys and when necessary, bankruptcy experts to chart a series of options to protect the physical assets and emotional well being of our clients.
The Affluent women who come to see us understand the need to act .They didn't get to their station in life being passive. These accomplished women are smart, proactive, effective doers.

The Power of a Woman's Choice for a successful divorce !

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)3839 — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 08:00:00 EST

Virginia women have many choices as they confront or consider divorce. To ably analyze one's choices, it is important to take as long planning your divorce as you did planning your wedding. Most clients want to make a decision and move quickly to get the divorce over. This is usually a very costly mistake.!!

Among the early choices is the determination of how you are going to handle your divorce. Divorce, like life, is a series of choices that have long term implications. In your divorce you are CHOSEN only if you choose. This means you can choose to move on with your life and seek a method of resolution of the contradictions of your marriage or you can live in the past and get bogged down choosing to be a victim of your husband's behaviour. My experience with the "Victim" mentality person is that the outcome of their divorce is usually less and the cost of their divorce more than a similarly situated woman who is focusing on her future and the future of her children.

The choice of how one gets divorced is often a precursor of the long term impact of the divorce on family, extended family and friends. The Process choices for getting divorced include negotiation, mediation, collaboration and litigation. Depending on the process chosen by a client anbd her husband, One can generally predict the long term impact of how the restructured family will fare 5 or 10 years down the road. What we do know is the longer a divorcing couple can discuss their families future in a respectful and understanding manner, the greater the probability of a good long term outcome for the children and for the parents.

When seeking to determine what choice you should make in hiring an attorney, a very important piece of determinative information is whether the attorney has been trained in Mediation,Collaboration, Negotiation as well as the usual Litigation skills. Since a Divorce lawyer is supposed to outline for you the 4 divorcing options(negotiation,mediation,collaborationand litigation) available to you, if they have not been trained in mediation or collaboration or negotiation, It is very likely they CANNOT give you good substantive advice about which process may be best for you. So they impair your ability to make good choices.So the Choice we choose today is to study the 4 divorce processes and determine who is sufficiently trained in each of the processes so they can help you make an informed decision as to which divorce process is best for you. Remember--You are chosen--Only--If you choose. So Choose wisely !
For more information go to www.FreeDivorceBook.com to learn "what every Virginia Women should know about Divorce."

New website is launched

chofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)3752 — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 08:00:00 EST

Welcome to our new website launched July 15, 2008.

We hope you find it to be a useful and informative resource for Virginia divorce related issues.

Be sure to order your copy of our free divorce book. "What Every Virginia Woman Should Know About Divorce" Click here to order.

Also, you are invited to attend our divorce seminars on August 9th, 2008 in Chesapeake and Virginia Beach, Virginia and on the evenning of August 19th in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Click here for more information.

Therapy notes no longer protected in Virginia

khofheimer@hoflaw.com (Blog Author)3751 — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 08:00:00 EST

Effective July 1, 2008 Virginia Code Section 20-124.3:1 has been repealed.

What this means is that your therapy records are no longer protected from coming into evidence in a custody case and that your therapist can be required to testify.

Likewise, your husbands therapy records are not protected and his therapist can also be required to testify.