Leaving a Sex Addict or Drug Addict in a Mutually Beneficial Way (Part A)

It is always difficult to watch someone you love spiral into addiction or fail in recovering from that addiction. Sometimes, it is even more difficult to choose not to watch. More plainly phrased; it can be incredibly difficult to end a relationship with a partner who is an addict.

Whether the addiction is to sex, drugs or alcohol, the psychological processes of both yourself and the addict create a complex web that you may feel is impossible to escape. No matter how clear you are in your decision to end the relationship, taking that final step out the door can seem impossible.

Remember that you are not the one with an addiction. You can leave. Leaving a sex addict or a drug addict is not equivalent in difficulty to breaking an addiction. The key, however, is the same: you have to break the cycle.

Why Leaving a Sex or Drug Addict Can Seem So Daunting

Being in a relationship with an active sex addict or a drug addict is to be a part of an inevitably repeating pattern. In this pattern, the struggle for control is a centerpiece. All arguments will likely center around who is in control, whether or not the addiction is under control, etc. These arguments will likely follow a pattern of their own, sounding different every time but discussing the same unsolved issue(s) time and time again.

In general, the overall pattern of relationships with sex addicts or drug addicts may go something like this:

• You attempt to "control" your husband's behavior (i.e. attempts to aid in conquering his addiction) while he cooperates easily
• Your husband "rebels." He either relapses or goes against some established household rule regarding the addiction
• Arguments occur
• Peace is somehow regained (through counseling, agreement, etc.) and your husband agrees to quit "for the last time." You are essentially in control again.

If you are in a relationship with a sex or drug addict, you may find this pattern to be all too familiar. You may also recognize that nothing is ever resolved through this pattern. The drug addict is still a drug addict, the sex addict is still a sex addict, and your relationship has suffered even more strain. You must then ask yourself, how much of this can you really take?

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