Forgive and Forget or Just Forget After Your Virginia Divorce? (Part B)

Forgiving your ex after a Virginia divorce isn't always easy. For starters, you should explore what forgiveness means to you. Is forgiveness a warm, fuzzy feeling, or is it simply the absence of negative feeling toward the person who wronged you? Is it a mental decision you make through will power, independent of your gut-level emotions? It depends on whom you ask.

Different schools of thought have different concepts of forgiveness. You might be comfortable seeking answers from your faith tradition. You may also benefit from the services of a trained counselor or therapist.

Viewing Forgiveness from a Psychological Standpoint

From a psychological standpoint, forgiveness comes after healing has already begun to take place. If someone you loved, trusted, and hoped to spend the rest of your life with betrays you, the wound is sure to be deep. Your Virginia divorce was a major blow to your emotions, and forgiving your ex won't happen overnight.

Below are some general observations about how you might choose to cope with complicated emotions after a painful divorce: 

• You might find that forgiving your ex is easier if you limit contact with him as much as possible. If you two have children together, complete avoidance probably won't be possible, but you can certainly limit your interaction to when it's absolutely necessary.
• Try and avoid "stalking" your ex. It might be tempting to drive past his house or check his Facebook page frequently, but these activities probably won't make you feel any better. They're far more likely to get you riled up.
• It's important to care for your self and your needs after a Virginia divorce. Activities like journaling, meditating, participating in sports and creating art all can help you combat the damaging emotional and physical effects of resentment.
• It's essential to have caring, understanding people you can talk with. Rebuilding your social life and making human connections are very important during and after a Virginia divorce.
• When you're on the road to forgiving your ex, you might find yourself falling back into resentful feelings every now and then. Certain holidays, songs, scents, and other stimuli may bring back bad memories and the old feelings that come with them. 

While forgiving your ex may seem like a difficult task, you should relax and let time do its work. Like other kinds of pain and grief, resentment tends to ease up and fade on its own as time goes by.

Contacting a Virginia Divorce Attorney

Throughout your divorce proceedings, you'll naturally have a lot of questions specific to your circumstances. Get your questions answered by requesting one of our FREE divorce guides for women, or reserving your seat at our monthly divorce seminar - 757-425-5200.

The Virginia divorce attorneys at Hofheimer Family Law Firm are committed to fighting for your rights, assisting in child custody disputes, and advocating that you receive everything you are entitled to and need in order to start your new life.